What the Water Gave Me

Chapter Forty

Later that night, Bucky began to recognize twinges of hunger starting to twist in his stomach and he realized he’d been putting off eating. He found he did that often, just eating when he absolutely had to, and sometimes he envied the other sirens. How healthy they were, and plump. He envied how easy their lives seemed, and how they could eat every meal without being tortured by their consciences. His life used to be like that. Steve used to make the sacrifices easier. Things used to be different.

He mentioned his hunger to Steve awkwardly and shamefully and Steve, as per usual, did not care.

“So go eat or something,” he wrote and waved his hand nonchalantly at Bucky. “Bring me back a fish while you’re at it.”

“I might take a long time,” Bucky replied and Steve shrugged. He laid out on the sand on his back, burrowing in lazily and throwing his arms up over his head. He shrugged up at Bucky and, resigned, Bucky began to set his writing materials down to leave. Before he could turn around, however, Steve shot up and grabbed his own board and scrawled something and held it up.

“Don’t take too long, okay?” The board said. “Be back soon.”

Bucky stared at the words for a long time.

“Why?” He wrote back. “Why do you want me back soon?” He felt his spirits rise just a little and Steve scowled at him.

“So nothing eats me while you’re gone!” He wrote. “You’re my bodyguard, remember?”

Bucky beamed at him.

“I’ll be fast!” He wrote. Wow!! Steve wanted him around? “I’ll be back before you know it!” Steve scowled harder, obviously peeved with himself at having shown any sort of affection for Bucky. “I miss you already!” Bucky added enthusiastically. “I love you! Don’t miss me too much!”

“Get out of here,” Steve wrote in response and Bucky dropped his board and let it sink to the sand and swam away backwards, blowing cheerful kisses the whole time. Steve pretended to ignore them.

Finding a ship was no easy task, and especially for Bucky. He had to find the right ship and the right person before his conscious was satisfied, which meant that he went without more often than not. He’d never told that to Steve. After all, he was certainly getting by. It wasn’t a problem anymore and he never starved like he did in Steve’s house.

That day, Bucky came across a small houseboat with a family in it, two cruise ships and one navy ship, but no person he could justify killing. When he quit, his stomach still growling loudly, the sun was almost up again.

He snagged some fish for Steve on the way back.

By the time he returned, Steve had spent the night in the cave and was out by now, chasing a fish in circles around a reef. Bucky dropped the fish in his hands as he passed defeatedly and Steve forgot immediately about the catch he’d been pursuing.

Bucky’s stomach grumbled loudly again and Steve looked at him quizzically.

“No luck,” Bucky wrote, sitting down where he and Steve usually lay in the sand. “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

“How long can you go without?” Steve asked from behind the reef, propping his board up on a growth of coral. “Before you just, you know. Stop.”

Bucky shrugged. He didn’t really want to think about that. “A very long time,” he replied.

“Wow,” Steve wrote back and he looked genuine. “You’re, like, indestructible.”

This at least made Bucky laugh and he grinned at Steve.

“That’s why I’m the perfect bodyguard,” he replied and Steve hid his smile behind his board and turned back around, mostly hidden by the coral, and Bucky watched him, amazed. He wasn’t sure, but he could almost swear Steve was warming up to him little by little.