What the Water Gave Me

Chapter Forty-Three

Bucky met Steve back at the cave mouth an hour or so later, after having finished and having cleaned himself up a little. He was afraid to face him. All he could see in his mind was the look on Steve's face. It was burned into his memory. All the progress they'd made would be gone. Steve would never hold his hand again. He would never trust him again. Bucky would forever be stuck at sea monster status. It was over.

Steve was sitting up on the sand and hugging his tail to his chest like human knees and Bucky was sure to keep his distance.

He waved cautiously when Steve looked up and he expected Steve to look furious or to tell him to go away or worse, still look afraid. But instead, Steve mustered a weak smile and waved back. 

Bucky swam a little closer. Steve wrote something on a whiteboard.

"That looked really appetizing," he said, classic Steve's dry humor, and Bucky wished he could laugh. Steve pushed another whiteboard across the sand at him and Bucky bent down to grab it.

"I scared you," he wrote. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Steve responded. "I'm over it."

"I didn't think," Bucky wrote.

"But are you feeling any better?" Steve asked.

"You care?" Bucky asked in response.

"It's a yes or no question, Bucky," Steve shot back and slowly, Bucky nodded.

"You don't hate me?" He asked.

"Naw. I've seen worse," Steve shrugged. He was clearly trying to act nonchalant.

"You have?" Bucky asked and he wasn't sure, but he thought Steve went a little green.

"Watched a siren gut a merman once," Steve admitted. "And that one didn't politely ask me to leave first." Bucky swallowed.

"I didn't know that," he replied. What a horror it must have been for Steve, Bucky thought, his heart breaking. What a monster I must have seemed.

Another voice in his head screamed. What else am I supposed to do?? It's not my fault!!

"Cause it's not a big deal," Steve wrote back. "Really."

"You'll never hold my hand again," Bucky wrote slowly, terrified, and Steve shook his head.

"Don't do that," he replied. "Don't start with the self pity train. I'm still gonna hold your hand."

"Why?" Bucky asked. 

"Because it makes you feel better!" Steve replied like it was obvious.

"But don't you think I'm a monster?" Bucky continued. Steve just rolled his eyes.

"Look," he wrote. "That was definitely a little unsettling for sure. And I accidentally breathed in some of the blood and that was gross. But it's like we've talked about before. You're a siren. This sort of comes with the whole deal. And if you were a contract, well, I've already signed."

This hit Bucky hard and he sunk down to the sand across from Steve and covered his face. He could hardly believe this was happening. He realized part of him had been attempting to resign himself to losing Steve forever. That this was it for them. A level of stress and tension that Bucky hadn't realized had been seizing up inside him relaxed then.

He took his hands away and looked up when he felt the corner of a whiteboard prodding him.

"What?" The board said. "Is that a bad thing?" Steve handed Bucky his own board and Bucky took to scrawling an answer fast.

"No, no," he wrote. "It's a very good thing. I'm happy. Really. Thank you."

Steve reached over and grabbed his arm and dragged him closer and Bucky followed where he wanted him to go until he was sitting right next to him.

"Can I kiss your cheek please?" Bucky asked and Steve looked down at his words and then nodded and Bucky leaned over to very gently peck Steve's face. It had been a long time since he'd had so much hope for them.