Seven

Chapter 54

The soft but scratchy material of the flannel I'm wearing dabs at the tears falling from my eyes every so often. I don't know why I'm already crying. I'm angry, so angry but the closer I get to the club the more that anger seems to minimise itself with the hurt. I can't believe I'm doing this, I can't believe I have to demand an explanation for him blocking me. It might be desperate of me, I should probably take the hint that he clearly doesn't want to talk to me but I'm too proud to walk away without some kind of reasoning.

The song playing quietly through the car radio changes and the familiar tune of a guitar plays; Ode To A Conversation Stuck In Your Throat. I remember this song playing in Seven's car the first night he drove me home. That seems so long ago now, back when he was an intriguing mystery to me. I remember wanting to kiss him so badly but being too scared and probably too proud to admit that to myself. Hating remembering the way things were and the way this song pulls at feelings inside me I change the station.

Replacing the sweet, unconventional love song is a heavy beat with almost haunting mumbling lyrics. I don't know the song but it's dark, repetitive beat is much better suited to my mission. I press down harder on the gas and turn the song up. The tears on my cheeks dry and not one more forms in my eyes as I grip at the steering wheel, now reminded of the anger I felt when I first left the house.

Speeding over the legal limit I focus on what I've set out to do. I'm going to be strong, I have to be. I need to stand up for myself and my own feelings and let Seven know I will not let him walk all over me so easily. If he doesn't want me, so be it - as much as that fucking hurts I can't force him to be with me. But I at least need to know why and if there is anything I can change.

I pull into the back of the strip club and notice his black SUV parked awkwardly near the back doors. It's not his usual parking spot but at least I know he's here. As I get out and observe the neon signs of the club and hear the faint sound of music coming from inside the establishment I realise I hadn't quite planned for the audience we may have for this confrontation. It's almost ten, a whole twenty eight hours since Seven stood me up for dinner, and the club will be in operation for tonight.

I take a large breath, hyping myself up to storm in there and demand Seven to explain himself in front of whoever may be there to see. I wonder what he's doing here, will he be in his office or on the club floor? A sick thought of possibly finding Destiny perched on his lap throws me off slightly but I try ignore that possibility. If he's here with her then I won't stop myself from attacking the pair of them. I really don't like the bitch, and I know it's mutual. Even though I have done absolutely nothing to warrant her rude attitude and snide remarks towards me. But I won't hesitate to put her in her place this time.

I storm in through the back doors of the club and march down the corridor, making a b-line for the office space. When I try the door it's locked, and after my heavy handed knocks go unanswered I gather no one is in there. So I turn and face the doors that lead to the club. I swear to god, if I go in there and he's with that bitch ...

The anticipation eats at me and I almost run through the doors. I stop once I'm basked in the familiar red lights and musty smell of my old job. The club is in full function, customers of every kind sit around the stages and girls whisk past me in hardly anything with their black trays. My eyes scan for the familiar mop of chestnut curls or the ratty hair of Destiny. Whichever comes first. I'm relieved to find the chalky damaged hair of Destiny dancing on an older gentleman in a polo top and khaki shorts. As long as she's far away from Seven I'm okay. I take another step further into the club, craning my head to look over the people that litter the floor when I'm dragged back into the shadow of the circumference of the room by my arm.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Kitty backs me to the wall, blocking my vision to the rest of the club.

"I'm looking for Seven. I need to talk to him." I speak loudly over the music.