Seven

Chapter 89

SEVEN'S POV

My foot taps anxiously against the jute rug sprawled in her living room. Teeth chewing on my thumb nail as I try occupy myself by taking a false interest in the horde of house plants Lilianna has accumulated. I don't know shit about houseplants, or any kind of plants for that matter - except weed. No, I don't understand the names of the plants, wouldn't have a clue the type of soil they'd need, how regularly or irregularly they need watering but yet I'm staring at these organisms with such scrutiny as if I have a fucking clue what I'm critiquing - or praising for that matter.   

No, I'm no green thumb. I'm just incredibly anxious and at my wits end with worry as I wait for Lilianna to get out of the shower. She's been in there for what feels like forever, but finally I heard the squeak of her shower being turned off and now I'm waiting for her to come out.

I unintentionally hold a breath as the door opens and she appears in the frame. Dark damp hair blankets her face. A halo of slick seaweed with blonde flecks on dryer stands. Her face is clean of any blood, expression blank as she silently makes her way over to me.

"You okay?" I don't know how many times I've asked her this in the past two hours. And every time Lily replied with just a small nod. I know her head is full, I can see the turmoil crashing like waves in a storm behind her blank stare. My fingers push the wet strands back from her face, tucking them behind her ears and wincing at the sight of the swelling and faint bruises developing on her features. Her bottom lip is more full then usual, her nose a little swollen and her neck ringed with red. The hurt I feel seeing her injuries pains me more then if I were to bare them myself. It's not easy to sit here and see her like this knowing people like Destiny and Victor are out there walking freely. My only vice is that Koda has paid for his actions, and that Victor's time is coming.

My arms wrap around Lily's waist, burying my face into the side of her neck. She was almost taken away from me today, and that thought hurts even more then anything else. I feel her arms instinctively fold around my neck in response. Her soft vanilla scent and the steady beat of her heart calms me, I hope mine do the same for her. Lilianna is still as we hold each other for a slow minute, before she detangles herself from my embrace and sits on her couch.

I can only guess the kind of things she's thinking, how she's feeling right now. Shaken up by the attack but I also know what else will be haunting her mind, I went through the same thing not long ago and it took me to some pretty dark places. So dark I would distract myself with cocaine so I wouldn't have to think about it all.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask gently, sitting next to her and resting a hand over her bony knee hidden under the thick grey sweatpants she wears.

"I don't really know what to say." Lily answers, her eyes meeting mine. I can't pick out any emotion behind them, she's either feeling so many it's hard to pick one out or... Or she's not feeling anything at all. My thumb mindlessly begins rubbing circles into her knee.

"Maybe if you tell me how you're feeling?" I suggest and watch the small line between her brows flex.

"I..." Lily begins but stops herself. She looks to my hand on her knee and I squeeze it encouragingly.

"You can talk to me." I promise her while her teeth sink into her bottom lip hesitantly.

"Well I know how I should be feeling. But I... I'm not feeling... Anything." Her brows furrow even deeper at the confession, as if she's ashamed to say it.

"I killed him Seven. And I don't feel anything. I don't feel guilty, I don't feel any kind of remorse. Nothing. I just- I just don't..." I half expect a tear to fall from her eyes as she speaks but it doesn't. Her voice stays flat, not wavering in emotion. I've never seen Lily like this before and I'm not sure what to do to bring her out of this dull void.