Elusion // l.h

Chapter 31- Brotherhood

My hands started to ache from the time I spent holding the small paper in my hands. I sat in bed looking at it over and over again. I put it down as I went to the bathroom, and once more when I went to get a glass of water. But every second in between, it stayed in my hands. I examined it like some crazy detective from a cheesy British movie as I kept looking at the contents of the small white paper. What did this really mean?

I was so lost in anything to do with things like this and this paper was just an obvious give away. He was interested in me. I didn't see it before but why else would I have this paper and why else would he give me it? I didn't know why I took it out and again and looked at it, instead of leaving it in my night stand like I planned to. I didn't want to throw it away, but I didn't think I'd want to look at it over and over after receiving it.

Distressed as always I sat in bed and wondered, was I interested in him? Could I even feel the feeling of being interested in someone? I couldn't. No, I wasn't. I couldn't deny the strange comfort that I feel with him and maybe it was okay. Was it? I didn't know. I still don't. That wasn't how this whole thing was supposed to go. Melissa's closing words before I left kept replaying in my mind.

"Just something to think about before next time, whenever you feel something that you think you shouldn't be feeling, shake your head and feel it. There is no such thing as wrong feelings. If you think that you shouldn't be feeling it because of circumstances or because you don't think you can, do it anyway. Whatever happened before is in the past and cannot affect you now. Remember that."

 I remembered that and put the paper back onto the table. So Eric gave me his number. Would I call him? Maybe. Should I even get involved in whatever any of this is or was? Maybe. Too many maybes for the time of day and too many thoughts for a healthy mind. 

The ride home was more than interesting. Although we had spoken for a while previously to it, I wasn't sure if getting into a stranger's car was the right philosophy for me. I wasn't that kind of girl but he was very easy to be around. Once we drove, he started to become insanely funny. I found myself laughing numerous of times and it was indeed fun. I knew I deserved to have fun and I didn't regret doing it, because and extra friend never hurt. So what was I to do?

As I lifted myself off of the mattress once more, I heard an opening door.

"Good morning Pey." My mother said walking in. Was I upset at her? I sighed to myself as she plopped herself onto the bed.

"How was last night?" She nosily pondered.

"Cool, I had fun." I briefly answered.

"That's great." She nodded with an undertone of something. I got up from the bed to put my hair in a ponytail by the mirror as she cleared her throat.

"If you're going to tell me about your trip I already know." I beat her to the punch having my arms in an uncomfortable position while putting up my hair.

"Oh, how did you-"

"Mom I see Luke practically everyday. It came up." I felt the urge to roll my eyes but I couldn't. I couldn't roll my eyes at her.

"I'm so sorry Peyton, I feel horrible." Her body turned in my direction as I walked back. She didn't have to feel bad, I had just wished that she told me about it earlier. With her new fancy job thing, I assumed those trips weren't even a thing anymore since nobody spoke of them. The topic literally disappeared from everyone and I hadn't heard a word about it. Yet all of a sudden they were back.

"Mom I would never be mad, I just wish you told me sooner. It's not exactly fun hearing from Luke that you won't be here for my birthday. But I'm fine. It's any stupid day of the year, so don't even think about it." I reassured her. Her nodding head and looking down eyes told me that she was at peace with it. I knew myself that she was probably disappointed but I wasn't and I didn't care. I mean, yes I did. I would have loved one normal birthday with my mother, but I guess it never truly was meant to be.