I dreamt of Heaven (Rants Collection)

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"Breathe.Breathe.Breathe"
And now I just want to feel the peace, amidst the haste of these chaos which keeps on building one after another, I feel suffocated holding this rope of responsibility, which is tied around my neck.

I wake up and run, run run run like a machine grr, grab my phone and sit like a robot in front of it. Keep on staring. When did I last wake up peacefully? I can't remember the last time I held the brush and felt the taste of mint inside my mouth. brush! brush! brush!
When did I last sleep peacefully? I have no count of it either, for sleep has abandoned me and I've been so busy these days that I've even stopped running, my legs are aching now, it feels like I'm standing on this mud and it's pulling me down. Pulling, pulling, pulling!
What is it i feel anymore now?

These thoughts are pacing but I'm learning to pace faster than them, this day is running and I am lagging behind, somewhere you can't reach, how far is your reach, anyway?
I'm lagging for I've become like a machine, an isolated obselete machine. Emotions? Am i feeling them the way they are to be felt? The answer of my questions have lost their meaning amidst this haste, the thoughts knock on my head but my fingers are busy on lapotop typing typing typing, what? Assignments!

My legs are running towards, goal? NO! kitchen. Run. Run. Run! There goes another whistle of cooker. My hands have bruised themselves now, again, the cuts have been reopened again, it's the winter, harsh cold winter that left me numb that year, these wounds hurts now. They do. They do.

I wish I could just rest, without any haste without any stress. Just lay down and sleep without any worry or rush. Hush. Hush. Hush! They are screaming loud. Make them hush. Hush. Hush! I want to feel something now. Spill. Spill. Spill. let them know how I feel. love love love. I guess I am feeling it now.

Anger is escaping and I feel good about it now, but why is regret peeking through my window again? And who invited guilt these days!! I didn't, for sure. but he's sipping tea with me now, the biscuit breaks and falls inside the cup, dissolve, dissolve, dissolve. He laughs at me now.

Now. Now. Now, I shall have rest and peace, I'm strolling near my grave, what exactly is it that i feel, anyhow?