you reached out to me christmas day. i knew there was something wrong when you had tears in your eyes and the desperate tone in your words. we hadn't talked in a month and you confessed how much you missed me and made a mistake.
it was a mistake to leave me and replace me.
you were so good at telling your lies that day. i always swore i could see through you. but i hadn't seen it then. and i let it happen again.
we were friends since we were small children. always together, day and night for 5 years. and now here we are, sitting with others and forgetting each other's names.
i thought it was too good to be true when we got back together. things were so good. when we had sex it didn't feel shameful. sending you pictures didn't feel wrong.
and then it stopped.
you got distant. again.
you got quiet. again.
when i had left before in november it was because you had done that and flaunted all of the girls you had now that i wasn't around. when i left i made it clear that i hated you and never wanted to see you again. i wish you had respected my wishes then.
when i begged you to treat me like your lover you'd call me crazy and laugh when i cried. every time you broke my heart your smile seemed to grow wider. and when you told me you had someone else i knew i had always been right. my suspicions had always been true. all the times you called me names weren't for nothing.
but i didn't realize how badly i wanted to be wrong.
and somehow it was my fault.
i never realized how much you enjoyed stabbing me in the back until i left. and when you expected me to stay with you and be close friends. but who can stick around someone youve grown up with that hurt you that bad?
you had been there to take the blade out of my hand when i had cut myself because of how deep my self hatred once was. you had been there to hold me and wipe my tears away after i broke down because of the man who groomed me. you had been there to teach me things and defend me from others.
how did that end up meaning nothing to you?
i had been there to calm you down when your ex's had cheated on you and left you. i had been there after your mother told you how weak you were. i had shared things with you that were near and dear to me.
but i guess that never meant much to you at all.
after 5 years and growing up with you, i thought i had known you better than to repeat things that had torn us apart.
but there you were, with that sick smile on your face after we slept together. holding her hand and laughing when i screamed that i had been right. i knew then and there that that's who you were now. the sweet boy who i had grown up with was no more. now stood a young man who thought with lust and didn't care for others. a stranger.
when we were small you had always come to patch up the wounds others had given me. but this time you were the one to give them to me and make them deeper.
so i walked away. and you didn't bother to pull me back. you had gotten what you wanted. you took advantage of me one last time and made sure to hit me as hard as you could.
after promising "forever" you wouldn't think to hurt that one person who's been with you through thick and thin. a one sided friendship since we were small.
shame on me for believing you were better than you were.
