something was different that night. maybe it was your anger, or your confession.
"if i told you i've had a girlfriend for a month now you wouldn't care?"
that's when all the gears shifted and clicked. your distance, your silence, it all made sense to me now. the days after you begged me to return, i thought it would go back to how it used to be. our shared laughs, late night calls when our friends were asleep, video calling with your cat in the room i've grown to know for the past three years.
but it was worse, somehow. you were farther out of my reach. and sometimes i still think of looking up your profile to torture myself. i wept that morning, knowing that last argument was the end of "us."
what a rocky three years it had been. the tears, the pain, the yearning.
but i did it anyway.
it's almost as if you had never existed in the space of three years. almost as if balance has been restored. but i can't help but think "what could have been?" when i have a blade to my skin.
i know you will not recall my name by september.
i know you only wanted to use me.
but even then, i cannot blame you.
i thought the world of you.
all you saw was a helper in me.
so i will destroy myself in the process of forgetting you.
