i go by lina as a means of abandoning my birth name. something i've deemed as a burden. but i myself am i burden.
i hurt people and ruined lives, just so i could have my way. i threw away friendships for people who never cared for me.
i am a horrible person.
i am manipulative and toxic.
i am not a good person nor will i ever be.
and i have no one else to blame but myself.
i cling to the past because i no longer see a future for myself. i return to people who have left me and beg them to let me back into their lives, because i know nothing good and pure.
muttering to myself, "i want to die." as the blade slides over my skin, pathetically. it's a cry for help. but for who? who will help me? no one. there is no one here for me. a long overdue ending for someone like me. and so i choose to end it here. i will no longer feel pain. i will no longer feel anything.
thank you to those who knew me in my better years, i wish i could've stayed as that person. i'm sorry for who i grew up to be.
