HEADLINE ✓

TRACK 43

With (NO) love, Tyler-Jane Roberts

When I looked at him, I saw my future.

I never looked at someone and thought such a thing before - not even with those I called my family. There was always a fear that one day they would get tired of my shit, pack their things, and leave without a trace. It was a constant thought that played in my mind, regardless of the numerous times it had been proven wrong. I had seen it happen before by those who were supposed to stay - who weren't supposed to be allowed to have the choice of abandoning their child.

Deep down, I feared that those three boys - the ones who I had known practically my entire life and trusted with (almost) everything - would one day do the same thing.

When I looked at Carter, I didn't have that fear. I only saw a future with the two of us together.

I didn't understand why those fears did not materialize with him. Quite honestly, it didn't make much sense in my head. But, maybe it didn't need to. Maybe leaving the unknown where it was and not trying to understand it, was how it was supposed to be. It didn't need to make sense - it just did.

Leaving him behind in Seattle was one of the hardest things I had to do. It wasn't because I couldn't go on with my life for a week without him. It was because of what was waiting for me when I arrived home. That was a shit storm no words from my caring boyfriend could prepare me for.

Carter was still recovering. And, even though he appeared to be okay, it did not for a second negate what he had to endure while on his vacation. I didn't want to have to call him the moment something went wrong - I wanted him to enjoy the time he had with his family free of any of my negative, bullshit drama. He seemed to agree with me when I told him before leaving that he needed to focus on himself and not worry about me.

The moment I stepped off the plane, feeling an impending breakdown pound against my weak walls, the first surprise came in the form of Big Mike.

"Mr. Young asked that I be at your service while he is still away," the large man said as he put my bag into the trunk. "Driver, security, food delivery," he held up a take-out bag, "Anything you need."

The second surprise quickly followed once I settled into the car and was handed a cell phone. "For me?" I asked, to which I received a nod in response. "Hello?"

"How was your flight?"

My heart swelled at the sound of his voice. "Carter... I can't believe you set this up."

"It was nothing. Besides, now you'll have someone you can call if you need a quick getaway at any point. And, it gave me the opportunity to make sure I got to speak with you once you landed."

"I would have called," I partially lied.

Carter let out a light-hearted scoff, rightfully not buying into what I had said. "Did you watch anything good on the plane?"

Distracting me for the rest of the drive, he asked questions about the romantic comedy I had watched and told me all that I had missed since I left in the morning. Specifically, how Rory had a meltdown when Aidan told her she couldn't bring Moo-Moo to school and how it now resulted in her bringing a printed photo of the cow plushie instead. Carter also made me aware of how Rory instructed him to tell me that Moo-Moo's name had been officially changed to Pebbles The Moo-Moo.

"I'm here now."

"Take a deep breath."

There was silence as I focused on the house, the only faint noise came from the plastic straw I chewed on that was in my now finished take-out drink.