Caffrey Flashback

Chapter 33: Flashback

A/N: I'm not a medical expert, and the injuries and treatments described are intended for dramatic effect rather than medical accuracy.

Warnings for graphic descriptions of child abuse. It gets violent and bloody. If that's disturbing for you, stop reading after Henry plays his guitar, and pick up the story again after the next scene break, where Henry yells Neal's name.

Burke family cabin, Catskills. Wednesday afternoon. March 3, 2004.

By the time they arrived at the cabin and took a brief walk through the wooded surroundings, Neal felt much more normal. The combination of a few hours of sleep and a setting he longed to paint made a big difference in his outlook. He felt grounded now, rather than adrift in his memories.

As they entered the cabin, he took in the sheer rustic beauty. The rough-hewn posts, the polished wood floors, the log walls, the massive stone fireplace, the pair of overstuffed plaid sofas that faced each other from opposite sides of the fireplace – this cabin seemed too pure to be sullied by his emerging memories.

He wandered into a kitchen that had recently been updated with stainless steel appliances and granite countertops. The pantry held the bare necessities, soon to be augmented when El returned from the nearest grocery store. From here he could survey most of the main floor. The windows on the front of the cabin framed a pristine mountain view. On either side of the fireplace, shelves were filled with books and games. This was a place for family, for children. It should remain innocent.

Henry and Peter were carrying in the luggage, Neal realized, and he stepped forward, but Noelle put a hand on his shoulder.

"I should help," he said.

"Let them do this. They feel helpless. Being active gives them a sense that they're doing something for you."

When El returned, Neal assisted with the dinner preparations while Henry and Peter carried in firewood. Soon they had a blazing fire in the fireplace and a beautiful meal on the granite island that served as a dining table. They gathered on barstools and ate. Neal appreciated the simplicity of the meal – nothing too rich – because his stomach was churning at the thought of what would happen next.

There was conversation, but it flowed over Neal. His worries and doubts kept distracting him. In fact, he was surprised to look up and see El and Henry were loading the dishes into the dishwasher.

Noelle was talking to Peter. "I love open concept homes, but it is a challenge from a therapy perspective. It doesn't offer much privacy."

"There are three bedrooms upstairs," Peter said. Neal finally noticed that while the fireplace led up to a vaulted ceiling, the opposite side of the cabin had lower ceilings and a staircase leading up to a second floor. "They're tight, but you could close the door."

Neal wanted to suggest that they not do this. He felt much better than he had this morning, but he knew it was a temporary reprieve. If they didn't have this session, he'd spiral back into a cycle of nightmares and flashbacks. "Can we do it outside?" he asked.

"It's dark and cold out there," Peter protested.

"But in here it's..." Neal gestured around the room. "It's cheerful and good and light. I don't want to spew my darkness all over it and ruin it."

Peter shook his head. "Kid, this place has seen poker games, bachelor parties, an affair and subsequent fights leading to my oldest brother's divorce, and my Uncle Ed's heart attack. Not to mention the microwave incident that we never speak of in front of my mother, but caused so much fire damage we had to replace the kitchen a couple of years back. It's no stranger to real life."