Monopoly | Norenmin

fixing fuel

"Welp...this didn't work out"

Renjun rolled his eyes, glancing over at Jaemin in his slumped state. "Yeah no shit." And yet he still couldn't be mad at him. He brought this on himself, didn't he? He glanced down at the floor, picking at the vinyl flooring of the dance room, flicking off flaked paint. Instead of letting out their woes in the middle of a bustling café, they had picked themselves up, apologised for the scene they had made, and dragged themselves to anywhere that Jeno wouldn't be. Jeno didn't dance, so dance practice room it was. At least he had the courtesy of doing that. He didn't even have the courtesy of sparing his friends feelings, nor his own.

Jaemin choked slightly, looking up at Renjun with dry hiccups. "I'm so sorry, Injunnie."
Renjun bit his lip, shrugging and let his back hit the large mirror. "It's fine," he gave a thin lipped smile at him, not being able to give more even if he wanted to. "I know you meant well."
"You do?" Jaemin genuinely looked surprised, hopeful even, his face brightening up just slightly.
Renjun gave him a slow nod, turning his head back to face the blank wall in front of him. "I doubted it at first, but you're really nice, Min." Jaemin was nice, he was loveable and sweet and Renjun couldn't help but forgive him for anything dumb he did. He had good intentions.

Did Jeno know that? No. Would it change anything if he did? Probably not. He wouldn't if he were in that spot himself.

Jaemin sighed, a sad smile on his lips as he rolled his head back across the mirror. "At least I have that." He glanced over to Renjun, "At least I have you."
Renjun sent him a small smile in return before shuffling himself closer to Jaemin, resting his head on his shoulder and sinking his weight into him. At least he had him. "You'll have me as long as you need me."
"Forever?"
Renjun chuckled, lifting his head up to him and giving him a curt nod. "If that's what you need."
Jaemin laughed a little , muttering a small "thank you."

He curled his legs into his chest, Renjun helplessly watching him bury his face into his knees. "It hurts."
Renjun nodded, replying that he knew. He understood. He's known longer than Jaemin ever could, what it's like to feel crushed and pathetic. He's felt it his entire damn lifetime, not just cause Jeno but just general. Jeno just seemed like fuel to the fire that was already out of control.
Jaemin hiccupped slightly, "I don't know how I would have dealt with this if this worked now."
Renjun furrowed his brows. "Hm?"
"I didn't know it would hurt this bad" he wanted to laugh, flick him and tell him he told him so. That this was never going to work. But he couldn't. He helped, he did this too, he was just as guilty. He couldn't cause he couldn't bring himself to even try and shame Jaemin. It hurt. Bad. And honestly he just wanted to wrap his arms around Jaemin and help him feel better, even just a little bit. Jaemin sniffled, turning his head to him still curled up. "...how are you feeling?"

Renjun could only chuckle miserably to himself. "Like I'm back to stage one." He scoffed, glancing down to the floor. "Maybe stage negative one." He dug his fingers into the flooring, pulling up bits of black paint under his fingernails, cutting the skin between. As Jaemin nodded silently in understanding, Renjun simply rolled his head back again on the mirror, his eyes dead to the room that encapsulated him.

He could feel the white walls caving in on him, judging his every word, his every move. They sneered at his pathetic self and he couldn't agree more with what they said. He was every horrible thing out there, he might as well be the son of Zeus, fucking people over with his bullshit. It'd be disrespectful to call him a monster at this point, at least in his eyes, monsters wouldn't do anything nearly this bad.

How could he have done this to his damn friend? What kind of heartless prick was he?

Did he hate Jeno? Or did he just hate himself to the point of dragging him down?

"You can't leave me now." Renjun slowly turned back to Jaemin as the younger boy looped his arm through his.
Renjun smiled at him with a nod. "I wasn't going to." Despite everything he was grateful that Jaemin didn't see the horrible person he was. He didn't know why he didn't, but he was somewhat grateful for the fact that Jaemin still stuck by him when his whole world crashed down. Yeah, it was probably just cause he felt guilty as well, but it was something he appreciated. He liked the way Jaemin held on to him, still cared for him. If they both left he would've been in shambles. "I need you just as much as you need me right now."

Renjun watched Jaemin stare at him for a moment, seeing thoughts swirl as he swallowed. "I've...I've needed you for much longer than just now, Jun."
Renjun furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Jaemin hesitated for a moment, a strange uncertain fear in his eyes that Renjun hadn't seen before. He cocked his head slightly as Jaemin let out a small breath.

"Renjun, I really like you."

Renjun's eyes went wide as Jaemin turned slightly to face him. "I-I-I'm not- I'm not rebounding or anything, I just..." he trailed off before taking his hands into his own. "Even when I was with Jeno, since the beginning, I liked you too. I think...I think I love you."

While everything, from Jaemin's confession to his stuttering, threw Renjun further than he imagined, only one real coherent thought sat with him. "Even though I was mean to you?" he asked in disbelief.
Jaemin simply laughed, nodding subtly. "Yeah, even then." He gently played with Renjun's fingers as he smiled to himself. "I liked how you tried for Jeno, how you loved him. I...I wanted you to try and love me too."
Renjun could only blink in response, numbly responding with a small "oh." Not quite the thing he was expecting. He truly honestly believed that Jaemin hated him for most of the time they had known each other.

Jaemin continued to explain himself. "It's why I asked to do this. I knew you don't like me, and Jeno probably wouldn't like both of us like that, so this was my happy medium." He carefully carded his fingers through Renjun's hair for a moment, the older boy quietly relishing in the touch as Jaemin gently cupped his face. "Ideally, you two end up together, and I would be okay. Love you both from afar." He took in a stuttered breath, his hand falling limply back in his lap. "Too late for that now. I've broken everything." Jaemin shrugged defeatedly. "I don't know what I'm going to do now."

"...I can try for you too, you know," Renjun responded quietly, gaining Jaemin's attention. He casted his eyes down, shrugging with a half-smile. "I already love you, I can try too."
He glanced up only to see Jaemin's face light up in shock. "Yeah?"
Renjun paused for a moment before nodding a little. "When I feel fixed I can."
Jaemin broke into a smile, finally not dulled by the sadness that still weighed upon them. "I can wait."
Renjun sent him a smile, feeling a little better as he looked into Jaemin's eyes. A small victory.

But the more he smiled and gazed at Jaemin, the more the sharp pang in his chest grew. He didn't deserve the victory. And he really just wanted Jeno too. He laughed pitifully. "Why do I still miss him? Why do I still like him though?"
"The problem with the ability to love more than one person," Jaemin laughed with a sigh, resting his head on the mirror.
Renjun giggled to himself as he looked down, ""Ability"...like a superpower."
Jaemin scoffed, eyeing him up and down. "Trust me its a superpower to love you of all people."
Renjun's jaw dropped, glaring at him, ready to retaliate before sighing in defeat. He mumbled "that's fair" under his breath, agreeing with the fact that he was in fact a difficult person.

Jaemin took Renjun's hands into his own once more, smiling softly at him with Renjun mirroring him. He leaned up slightly, placing gentle peck on the elder's forehead. "Stay with me, yeah?"
"Yeah."