Monopoly | Norenmin

final let go

Renjun walked along the paths of his uni, headphones now blaring Day6's 'I Smile' as he made his rounds. He had his hands stuffed into the depths of his pockets to avoid the surprisingly chilly day. It had started to warm up a little, compared to the midst of winter, but it was still cold enough for Renjun to wish he had invested in ear muffs or something. The curses of global warming. He was just praying that the spring holidays would be sooner than it seemed.

He was actually done with his classes for the day, just wanting to roam around the campus before having to drag himself home. He would've ventured off to the city close by but he didn't really have the energy to rummage through his bag for school ID's and concession cards so this was easier. He simply traced his path into the wet stone slabs beneath him. He just kinda hoped that maybe Yangyang would show up so he wouldn't be alone. An interesting need for someone who usually hated being around people but I guess when the only person he talked to daily was his dolphin pitched cousin, it made sense to want new company.

He had finished his third or so lap around when he was hit by a sudden force crashing into him. The person grabbed his shoulders making Renjun let out a scream. He whipped around, only to find none other than Lee Jeno laughing at him.
"Well that was a reaction," he snorted, wrapping his arms around Renjun's shoulders.
"You scared the shit out of me, what else did you expect?" Renjun snapped in defence.
Jeno chuckled, moving beside him as he apologised. Renjun rolled his eyes at him, walking away from him. He made himself vulnerable and now he had to escape immediately.

Jeno ran back up to him, bumping his hip as he started walking in pace with him. "You know you can't just duck out of my life either." He took Renjun's hand, smiling brightly at him, "I still want you as my friend as well."
Renjun smiled awkwardly back at him, prying his hand out of Jeno's as he felt his heart falter. He stopped in his tracks, Jeno pausing beside him. "Just...give me a little time, yeah?"
Jeno's face fell, Renjun feeling a little worse now but he wanted to stick with his decision. Until he got over Jeno and Jaemin he wanted to keep their distance. He understood why Donghyuck left him for that reason, even if it had been a really long time.

Jeno lightly tugged on Renjun's sleeve with a small pout. The older boy chuckled a little, almost pitching his fingers together as a gesture. "Just a tiny bit of time. I'll come back."
Jeno tugged Renjun's sleeve again. "Injun, please talk to me again." He looked back up at him with puppy eyes.
Renjun's sighed, shaking his head a bit, "I can't, Jeno. I really am not in the mindset."
"But I can't just function without you, Jun," Jeno whined.
Renjun huffed, trying desperately to stay by his point. It was a slight issue that he was incredibly weak for him and Jeno complaining like this was sort of endearing, but he had to stand his ground. He looked at him in determination. "Jeno. This still hurts. I know it's not your fault, but I need time."

Jeno bit his lip, seeming determined himself. He swallowed a little. "But I need you."
Renjun looked down to Jeno taking his hands, looking at him in slight desperation. Despite wanting to stand his ground, he also kind of got why Jeno was so determined himself. Maybe he had made the same kind of imprint in Jeno's life that Donghyuck had in his. It was uncomfortable without them, intergraded in their routine lives that when they were no longer there it felt like a glitched out machine. Renjun didn't like not being around Jeno, he didn't like him not being in his space, going around and seeing him only in the distance. It felt painful to be honest, Jeno had been so prominent in his life for who knows how long, for him to be gone...it was understandable why it would be hard to function.
It made him feel a little special. That Jeno loved him as his friend so much that he wanted him back in his life. He didn't deserve it though.

Renjun swallowed, looking back up at him. "Why?"
Jeno rolled his eyes, chuckling a little, "Oh come on. We all know that I can't function properly regardless." He smiled at him, tilting his head a little, "I love having you in my life, why would I want you gone?"

Renjun remained silent, trying to read Jeno as best he could to see for his sincerity. He didn't want to give in. Not just yet. Not when only the outside of the wound was healed.
Jeno shuffled slightly closer. "Please?"
Renjun blinked, having to crane his head a little now that Jeno had forgotten what personal space was. Yeah, maybe he was sincere, but that didn't change much. Renjun still had done what he did. It didn't matter what Jeno thought was best for himself. Besides, what if he hurt him again? Renjun would know how to live with himself. Hell, he didn't know how to live with himself now.

"Pretty please?" Jeno shuffled a tiny bit closer, Renjun having to shuffle back himself. He laughed a tiny bit, making Jeno's hopeful smile just a tad brighter.
He bit the inside of lip. He couldn't do this to him. He didn't want to hurt Jeno again. He didn't want to make another mistake. He didn't want to lose Jeno for good.

Jeno sighed a little, his smile softening a little. He pulled his hands from Renjun's, instead cupping the smaller boy's face. "Junnie," he spoke in a hushed tone, "You once told me that you'd do anything for me." He inched just a little closer, closing any gap they had between their bodies, Renjun looking up with his breath caught in his throat. "Can you stay for me?"

He didn't want to hurt Jeno again. Wouldn't it hurt him if he said no?

"...fine."
Renjun exhaled reluctantly, yet smiled as soon as Jeno released a breath of relief, beaming from ear to ear. The younger boy moved away from Renjun a bit, laughing a little with shining eyes which reaffirmed Renjun in his decision. Yes, he was no better than he was before and once again crumbled before Lee Jeno. He guessed it was just a part of him that hated making or even seeing Jeno even mildly upset. If Jeno was this happy about him saying okay about coming back, then that was better than making things even worse. He didn't want to hurt Jeno again anyway. He just had to keep his distance as best he could. Not let himself try and pry himself into Jeno's space. He was okay locking those doors forever. He hated the person he was, and if Jeno let him change, then he should take that opportunity.

Jeno looked back at him, squeezing his hands together a little before just giving into whatever was going through his mind and pouncing onto Renjun, bringing him into a tight hug. Renjun stumbled a little but was able to gain his balance back, hugging his friend back.

His friend.

That's what he was supposed to be.

And he was okay with that now.

There was no way his and Jaemin's delusional dream would come true, so this was the way. All he could hope for now was that Jeno would at least wingman him with someone eventually.

Renjun could feel Jeno bury himself into the crook of his neck making him laugh. "You're wearing the perfume again."
Renjun snorted, "well, you did tell me to keep it. So I did."
Jeno tightened his hold just a little. Making sure he wasn't hurting Renjun. He chuckled lightly. "I'm glad."
Renjun sighed a little, just hugging the boy back as he refused to let go. He didn't mind though. It was like his final let go.