English Love Affair » niam

Chapter 20

~Not Edited~

When Niall and Liam got to meet baby Ares Sèbastien, Niall was so nervous. They had to give him a c-section and that only made him freak out more by the time they'd gotten to the hospital. They'd scheduled the surgery about two weeks in advanced, after having been told Niall's body was still developing and it'd be very risky to have the baby naturally.

"NiNi and daddy are going to bring your little brother home. Now be good for Ms Fitch yeah?" Liam said quietly crouching in front of his little girls. "can you do that?"

"Yeah, we be gooood." Athena nodded and smiled. "We see brother tomorrow?" She smiled.

"His name is Ares doll face and of course you can see him tomorrow." Liam kissed them each on the head and Niall smiled softly.

"Bye girls." he said quietly and waved a little. Athena hugging Niall's legs and Persephone hugging around his thin waist, careful of his swollen tummy. "Have fun, i love you girls."

"love you too NiNi, you bring us back Ares now." Persephone giggled and patted his tummy gently. Niall chuckled.

"We're on our way to bring Ares back for you girls." Niall smiled and chuckled a bit patting her head. "Be good for Ms Fitch, daddy's going to come home tomorrow. I might need to stay there a day or two longer."

"Okay. We love you." Persephone smiled and then dragged her sister off to play.

-

Niall had a hold of Liam's hand tightly. They'd gotten them checked into a room and he was already having anxiety. It wasn't until little Ares arrived that he relaxed. Truly he wasn't even relaxed. He saw Liam holding him and he'd smiled. His baby was there. He'd worked hard for that little thing.

Niall and Liam got to bring Ares home about three days after he was born and Niall was still sore. Liam had set up a cot in their room for until he gets older and Niall just lounged around mostly. He would sit with his baby everyday on the couch. Liam encouraged him to try and bond with Ares but it just wasn't happening. Ares was about three weeks old and Niall still hadn't had "that connection" with his baby. "Sweetheart, will you try something for me?" Liam asked crouching in front of Niall who'd had Ares laying on his thighs. Niall nodded.

"Yeah." he said quietly.

"Take off your shirt yeah? and see if he'll feed?" Liam asked and Niall smiled a little, pulling off his shirt.

"I don't like feeling like this... I'm letting you down... and him... and the girls..." Niall frowned. Liam sighed.

"It's normal baby... You'll get over feeling like this." Liam said softly and helped Niall guide Ares to his chest. "I promise."

"It's been three weeks Liam." Niall looked at him and then looked at Ares. "He's not..." Niall whispered, his heart breaking a bit.

"Give him a minute." Liam said to reassure his blonde and blue eyed prince. "He'll take to it, just give him a minute to realise what's going on."

Niall brushed back Ares' hair quietly and just smiled weakly when Ares finally took and started to feed. "He's doing it!" Niall whimpered a little, although there was a bit of pain.

"See, I told you to give him a minute." Liam smiled. He knows Niall missed almost three crucial weeks of bonding with his son. He didn't get to hold him when he was born was the first problem.

(this will explain what it was like at the hospital)

They literally got him out and took him straight off to some room to help his lungs. Niall was so confused, he didn't know where they took his child or what they were doing to him. But he just stayed silent the entire time, let them stitch him up and when he could finally see his baby, Liam got to hold him first. He just sat there in the hospital bed watching Liam and Ares quietly. He didn't want to disturb Liam from holding him. He looked entirely too happy.

Niall looked like he was waiting, and hurting. The nurse saw it. The nurse called it to herself that he was going to need a bit of help with bonding with the child. He was so young, and knowing that he didn't get to hold his baby in those first few moments made her feel ever so sorry for the young couple. "Do you have other children?" she asked. Niall went to speak but his quiet voice was drowned out by Liam's louder one.

"I have two daughters, Persephone and Athena, but he's our first together." Liam said and the nurse glanced at Niall who just diverted his eyes to his hands. He just played with his fingers. The nurse stayed until it was about time for Ares to go back to the nursery and not once did Liam actually offer Ares to Niall and Niall just looked at him hopeful every time he turned to talk to him.

The nurse had asked if he wanted to hold him once before he went to the nursery and Niall only nodded shyly. It included Ares being held awkwardly to him (having never actually held a baby before, and no one bothered to show him). "hi Ares." Niall whispered but the clock rang and the nurse looked at Niall apologetically before she said she was sorry. "it's okay... I uhm... he's coming back tomorrow right?" Niall asked. The nurse looked at him sadly and then nodded. Niall nodded himself.

-

(back to present time)

Niall and Liam got all three kids all settled in. Ares in his cot and the girls in their beds. "Niall? Love? maybe we should have times where you and Ares should just... spend alone time together." Liam suggested holding Niall against his chest.

"I don't want to get pregnant again." Niall said softly. "ever... It's... It's... I have an ugly scar now... and I don't even feel like he's mine." Niall's eyes teared up. He'd been holding this in for weeks and now was as good a time as any to let out all those emotions. "I can't hold him properly, and I can't change him, and I don't like to look at him sometimes Liam. what's wrong with me? I'm supposed to be his father, and i'm supposed to love him but I can't." Niall cried, clearly knowing something was wrong.

Liam just stared at him for a second and grabbed his pillow. He couldn't believe he just heard Niall say he couldn't love their child. "You can sleep in here tonight with him. You take care of him." Liam grumbled. Forced himself to kiss Niall's temple and then he went out to the couch.

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A/N: [1,113 words]

so baby Ares is here.

and Niall's having some difficulty *cough cough* much like Harry in Peter Pan. Liam seeing the only logical way to deal with it being to force him to spend time with their son when Liam is most likely one of the culprits that severed the bond in the first place.

the story is about over haha

-Celly Azad