Please Forgive Me

Chapter 50 - Madison

I lay silently in my bed. Just thinking about how much has happened in my life. A bit over a month ago I was in the best relationship of my life and suddenly I'm blindsided by both a break-up and a pregnancy.

Silent tears stream down my face. I never imagined I would be this miserable this fast. Losing my baby...

I woke up in the hospital with no recollection of what had happened. Vanessa was right by my side and the look she gave me, caused me to break out in a sob. I knew, I had known then.

I had been bleeding before but I thought...

The doctor came in then with a somber face and said, "Miss Rosales. I'm sorry but you suffered a miscarriage. We couldn't..." He had cleared his throat and whispered. "We couldn't do anything to reverse the effect."

I broke down then, Vanessa at my side.

She whispered things would be fine but was crying alongside with me.

I wasn't fine. I hadn't been fine since then.

I feel numb. My baby...

She or he was my only connection to Maxon. A product of our love for each other and now...everything is truly done. There is nothing binding us together anymore. Whether he knew it or not, we were going to have a baby together.

I run my hand across the comforter. I didn't even buy anything for my baby but I was so looking forward to it.

Now I'm left mourning the loss of what could've been. What everything could've been.

"Mi niña." My mom raps softly on the door, a stricken look on her face. They've all been careful around me. My siblings and Vanessa too. I sigh and try giving my mom a smile. I hate seeing them worry about me but I'm okay. I'm just...in a dark place right now. I know it will get better. Well, I pray it does. I've been praying everyday.

"Are you going to come eat? I made some ceviche." Ceviche. Something I love but wasn't able to eat while I was pregnant. But now...I can. I don't like that thought.

"No quiero, Ma." I don't want some, Ma.

"We also made some carne asada."

My stomach grumbles but I ignore it. She silently walks up until she's sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Madison..."

"I don't want you to worry about me, Ma. I just...I've gone through alot."

"I know, hija. I'm so sorry. I wish I had gotten here sooner."

I shake my head. "What's done is done."

None of my family knows what I saw prior to losing my baby. I should've never clicked that stupid video. I can't help but feel this was my fault. All because of me.

"She was too overwhelmed. It added stress on the baby." The doctor had said.

The words play back in my head and I sob. My mom hugs me, knowing where my mind has yet again drifted. "Ay mi niña."

I cry my heart out as she holds me. I try to be strong but I can't help but think...

"I could've avoided it, Ma." My breath catches in my throat. "I could've."

Tears fall down her eyes and it breaks me even more. Despite everything I don't want to see her cry. She's my rock. "Don't cry, Ma."

I wipe tears from her eyes. "It's just–it breaks my heart to see you like this. Looking so..." She can't even say the words but I know what she means.

"It was my grandbaby too." She adds quietly and the words pierce my heart.

We sit in silence, tears dripping down our faces when I quietly confess. "You know what hurts me the most? That it was Maxon's. That was our baby and now...despite him leaving me...I still love him, Ma. I care for him and wish him the best."