Kiss Me Baby One More Time [ Britney Spears x Reader ]

Chapter 5: Pubic Hair

Author: Fran

You woke up the next morning to your alarm clock beeping. The sound reminded you of your grandpa's non-stop jibber-jabbering, and you punched the shit out of it with all your might, smacking the poor clock against the wall. The cheap plastic broke down into tiny pieces. This was the 50th clock you broke this month, and unfortunately for you, you had already spent your monthly allowance on BL manga and Korean comics, so you'd probably have to steal another clock from the store down the street. Although you were "legally" a criminal at this point, your musty and greasy ass hands weren't known for being slick. Thankfully, the store owner was an old fart that couldn't see further than his nose, so you could easily take something and put it in your pocket with him looking directly at you. God, you thought, old people are the best. Besides making fart noises on your open mic at nooby little kids while playing Call Of Duty, your second favorite hobby was bullying old people.

You then recalled this one time an old lady asked you to help her carry her groceries across the street, and once you got a hold of the groceries, you made a run for it. The old lady was too slow to catch up, and the hag even tripped on her wing, which fell over her eyes, exposing her receding hairline. You could very well call her JoJo Siwa with that alien-shaped bum. She threw her dentures at you as a final attempt to stop you. Unfortunately, she didn't have the Call Of Duty knowledge and precision of mastering every weapon, from the snipers to the tactical knives and the grenades you possessed. After that, you carried on home with free food on the table after committing another hate crime against old people.

Upon finishing reliving that memory, you noticed it had been 10 minutes since you woke up.

You rushed to the bathroom to wash off the stink from your body. Still, you accidentally stepped on a fucking lego lying right in front of the bathroom door, and you screamed in pain as you kicked the cursed piece of plastic to the side in anger.

"WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS A LEGO DOING HERE? I DON'T EVEN OWN LEGOS. FUCKING SHIT FUCK ASS TITTY SPRINKLES MOTHER TRUCKER DUDE THAT HURT LIKE A BUTTCHEEK ON A STICK!!"

Once you were done with your little angry top-of-the-lung rant, you rushed to the shower and got out in less than four minutes. There was still junk food stuck around your gums from last night, so you made an effort to brush your teeth in 10 seconds to the best of your abilities, pulling out a whole ass corn kernel from your mouth as well as: a piece of green lettuce (you never ate salad, so you questioned if it was lettuce or something else...), red apple skin, a small piece of crispy bacon, chewed up mint gum, dried ant, cat hair, pencil cap plastic, and last but not least a whole ass pubic hair. It must have been from when you sucked off your Chemistry teacher, Mr. Wilson, because you were about to fail his class. Thank god you decided to brush your teeth when you did. God knows how Britney would have reacted if she had seen that shit just sitting in your mouth while you spoke or smiled.

After 10 minutes, you were finally out the door, inside your stolen junk of a car, and on your way to school. Once there, you tried looking for a discreet place to park so the police wouldn't come across the stolen vehicle. The only good enough place you could find was in a run-down back alley. Still, the opening to get in between the two buildings and into the alley was blocked by a fucking car parked parallel.

You thought about Mr. Bean, and an idea came to mind. You just hoped the car didn't have some kind of functioning beeping alarm on it, but it looked just as run-down, if not worse than yours, so hopefully not. A glance around the block to see if anyone was present let you know that the road was clear, so you pushed on the gas pedal and approached the car from behind, steadily smashing against it with little to no force and pushing it out of the way with your car's front bumper. You never thought it would work, but when does Mr. Bean ever lie?

You quickly parked your car in the back alley and rushed inside the school building. Thankfully, you were only one minute away from the first-period bell.

Once you entered the classroom, you took a look around to see if Britney was here yet, and sure enough, she was sitting on her desk. Your eyes met for a split second, and you made an effort to look away first, but you couldn't help looking at her beautiful eyes. Their stare stung like a lego piece to your heart. You made your way to your desk, right behind Britney's, and brushed past her, taking your seat.

You felt the sweat from the pores in your legs wet the chair under you. With all that running around that you did, it would make sense you'd get all disgusting all over again. You thanked those Barbie YouTube self-care videos you used to watch as a kid that taught you some deodorant was never enough deodorant.

You looked at Britney. For the longest time, her back was the only thing you ever caught a glimpse of from up close, but ever since yesterday, that had changed. It felt like both of you had gotten closer, but then again, maybe not. You couldn't push yourself to say hi to her this morning. I mean, why would you? She would probably ignore you anyway, and you'd make a fool of yourself for even trying to talk to her at school. She'd be ashamed of even being seen making eye contact with you.

So you sat in silence, and so did she while you both waited for Mr. Wilson to enter the classroom and start his lesson for the day. You told yourself you'd make an effort to concentrate this time. It was the first and last time you'd ever wanna find someone else's pubic hair stuck to your teeth. Unless that someone was Britney, of course...

WHAT—?!?!?!