Phases (editing)

fifteen

AN- Chapter songs: Brooklyn Baby by Lana Del Rey, Girl of My Dreams by Guti

17th October 1995

New moon

I was cursing myself for not layering better, as the cold breeze of the October evening squeezed through the threads of my sweater and ran down my skin. It was a chill that could even bypass a warming charm, and I was unsure of how long my stay in The Owlery would be. It was a suggestion I made after Pansy fled the situation leaving Ginny to explain; due to the magnitude of the affair, we were better off conversing in the chilled tower away from the castle.

"How long?" I asked uncomfortably, as I swung my feet from the landing we sat.

"Just this term," Ginny answered. "A Ravenclaw party kind of pushed us together." Ginny awkwardly rubbed the palms of her hands together as she looked to the stone floor below us.

"The Ravenclaw party after the Autumn Equinox?" I jumped to clarify.

"That would be the one." She let a breathy laugh fall from her lips after she spoke, and her head playfully shook with the laugh.

"Wow," I said with disbelief, "I really had no clue. I thought Pansy and Theo were together."

"It's a cover," Ginny jumped to clarify, "Nott knows, and he and Pansy never had anything beyond platonic."

My eyes jumped to scan different parts of my shoes as my mind raced with theories on the matter. My heart did soften with the idea of Theo not being hurt by this scenario. Then I reminded myself of Draco's assumed knowledge of the relationship and many more questions appeared.

"He is our number one supporter," she said in a way where I knew she was smiling softly to herself, "it actually worked out for all three of us this way. Pansy can bring Theo around her family, I can avoid the inevitable judgement from my brothers, and Theo gets Draco off his back about drinking alone all the time. So in all–"

"You're saying you've been sneaking around with Pansy Parkinson this entire time?" I said with an overly exaggerated tone to emphasize my dramatics. "You could've told me Gin."

"Could say the same thing to you." She said ironically.

My eyes shot to her face that held a subtle expression of pride, for what she had just spat. "I don't know what you–"

"Shove it, Aspen." Ginny met my eyes with a toothy smile before continuing to speak. "I know about Malfoy, so please save me the gaslighting that you're preparing in your head."

I went to open my mouth, then instinctively pressed my lips back together. "Theo," I huffed under my breath with the roll of my jaw. I don't know why I didn't suspect any of the Slytherins to keep their mouths quiet on the topic. I did spend a whole evening drinking with them in the most public part of the common room.

"I found out last week, he is truly concerned for you, you know." She looked away while frowning. "He cares about you more than you know."

"I care about him too," I spoke in a whisper.

Then a comforting silence floated between Ginny and me, and I felt the room for thought prevail. There was an energy that radiated off of Theo that I couldn't comprehend until now. I had all the information in front of me and was so preoccupied with my Draco-fucking-Malfoy puzzle that, I was blind to the other person in front of me. Theo was hurting and broken, and I didn't care, not truly. Meaning, I did care–and I truly do–but how could I if I were so oblivious to a person I cared about. He was a friend and a bloody good one. How he cared for Draco, how he went so far is to warn me–I didn't listen, but he still did. I realized that his devoted care for his friends and his endless apparent loyalty wasn't a secret. He wasn't ashamed or insecure, because of his friends.