Hidden Hearts

14 - Fear Response

Josh

Why did I do that? Why did I fucking do that?!

I didn't mean to kiss him. I-I just... I mean, Maverick and...that guy and I felt, you know, I mean... And, I felt sad and...and...and...

Argh! Damn it!

I'm such a fucking idiot! I shouldn't have even went to his room at all. I still felt rather sad after seeing Maverick flirting with another guy and I just wanted to be alone. I fell asleep but woke up after a bit to see that Max had sent me some messages.

I wanted to reply but everytime I wanted to, I just felt awful as I remembered what happened at the mall. But, it became unbearable not talking to him and I just...went to his room. I reasoned with myself that I just wanted to talk to him and get some comfort from him but I guess, my crush on him still hasn't gone away. I mean, of course it didn't just go away overnight. What was I even thinking?

[Past Moment]

"Uh, did you just...kiss me?", he asked.

It didn't sink right away what I had done but once it did, fear had shot up and spread throughout my body. No fucking way did I just do that!

"I...I'm sorry!", I yell out as I ran from him. Ran out the door to get back to my room. Back to safety.

"Huh?! Josh! W-wait!"

Although he yelled out my name, I did not look back. I was scared and ashamed of what I'd done. I kissed Max, without his permission no less, and he probably thinks I'm a freak. An abomination of nature. No matter how much I wanted to think otherwise, it was impossible to do so especially with how I went about that kiss.

It was unintentional yet I should've known my feelings for him couldn't subside in just a day.

Soon, I see my dorm room and quickly yet clumsily take out my card and swiped it on the scanner, letting me through before I locked the door behind me. Despite me feeling safe now, I couldn't dismiss the sounds of heavy footsteps in the hallway that sounded frantic but soon stopped as it reached my door.

And right after, heavy knocking came and a voice I knew well yet feared now yelled out my name.

"Josh! Josh, open up!"

Yet, I couldn't. I knew, the moment I opened that door, I would have to face the consequences of my own actions. I'm not stupid to think I'm going to be safe forever as long as I avoid him but for now, I could delay the inevitable and prepare myself to face my judgement head on. For now, I'm not ready to be emotionally destroyed especially not too soon after my revelation prior.

[Present Moment]

God, I can never leave this room ever again without feeling absolute shame and regret for my own actions. I'm only lucky that I did it somewhere where no one else saw. Undoubtedly, he'd probably be more pissed off if furs saw that kiss in public. Well, there goes my chances of being friends with my high school crush. Let alone even having a chance at romance, if he was at least bisexual.

What am I even gonna do? I can't avoid him forever since we have track meets to attend. But, my heart and body is not ready to face his wrath.

Ding!

Suddenly, the sound of an e-mail being sent reached my ears. I take out my phone and opened the mail app on my phone to check who it was that sent me a message.

It was one of my professors who sent me it.

Dear Josh,
There is an urgent matter I need to discuss with you. Could you please come and meet me in the gardens. I am afraid I cannot give more detail as it is extremely urgent.

That's rather strange.

An urgent matter that needs to be discussed with me. Like, only me?

Is it because of my messy work? No, it can't be since it is urgent. Is it a project? But, then they would have just announced it in class or through a mass e-mail.

Ugh, I hate not knowing  but the only way to know is to actually go there. And worse, Max is out there and I don't want to risk getting caught by him. I wonder if I have any inconspicuous clothing I could wear to hide myself from him. Then again, would it even work on him?

Ah, whatever. I quickly open up my closet and spot a hoodie I could wear. So, I put it on over my shirt and flipped the hood up to cover my head. If I look down, it might make it harder for him to see my face. And maybe, if I straighten my tail a bit, I could just pass off as being a wolf. Well, barring my scent that would give away the fact that I'm a canine.

Cautiously, I opened the door and looked to both my left and right before heading out to make sure Max wasn't standing around the corners. Thankfully, he wasn't but I wasn't just going to sit there and wait for him to come back. So, I may or may not have sprinted out of the building and proceeded to follow paths that had lots of furs that I could blend into.

Despite the fact that my professor had just said it was urgent, I'd rather my own safety first. No use listening to an urgent message if I'm too beat up to even be able to get there. Though, I'm not gonna lie but walking in a crowd proved to be quite annoying.

Slow walkers and furs that just randomly stop in the middle of the road plus the ones who are walking the opposite direction but decided to walk through the middle of the crowd just about irritated me.

In the end, I think I made it to the garden a good 15 minutes after the e-mail was sent. The worst part is the fact that I don't even see the professor here nor any students. Well, to be fair, the gardens are quite boring and I didn't see any other students following me to the gardens.

Still, though...

Urgent, my ass. I sighed and decided to sit down on a nearby bench. I feel really cheated.

Just then, I heard the sounds of someone's footsteps heading towards me. I looked up and saw my very worst outcome come to life.

In the only entrance of the gardens, stood Max, who blocked my exit with his giant frame.