Hidden Hearts

15 - Lovely Reassurance

Max

Okay, I don't really like doing it but Josh is really forcing my hand here. I had to ask one of his professor's to message him something so he would come out and I could just explain to him.

Sure, the kiss was unexpected but it wasn't like I hated it. Maybe a bit of a warning but I didn't mind it. I mean, it's not like I hadn't already fantasised about doing the same thing to him. But, I guess with a bit more of, uh, consent.

Still, he ran out of the room and refused to allow me to explain to him that I wasn't mad at him. His terrified face already summed up how he felt about me. But, I can't believe I scare him enough to make him think I would even beat him up. I guess my physique would scare anyone who isn't built the same.

Right now, I sat off to the side of the gardens. Away from the sight of anyone yet still being able to see who goes in and out of the gardens.

I had to get here quickly to make sure I didn't miss Josh which meant having to wait here and stare at the entrance for an indefinite amount of time. Then again, it doesn't feel all that different from my routine before meeting Josh here.

How different would my life have been if I never decided to speak to Josh in high school? He'd never know if I ever went to Winterwake and I'd just continue life the same way. Dull, boring and bland.

As I was thinking, I almost managed to miss Josh, who is wearing the most obvious inconspicuous clothing. A hoodie with the hood covering his head.

I wait around for a minute to allow myself to recollect my thoughts. There's no use for this discussion if I can't explain it properly.

The steps are:
1. Calm him down
2. Reassure him
3. Explain my feelings
4. If possible, ask him if he really feels the same way

With that, I take a deep breath before heading in. This time, I made sure he could my footsteps as I make my way to the entrance of the gardens. After all, I don't want to give him even more of a heart attack by just appearing silently out of nowhere.

In the end, it was all for naught as he turns his head to look and all I could see is the fear coursing through him evidently shown on his face.

"W-wait, no. I-I I'm sor-sorry."

I could barely hear his apologies as he cowers away from me, trying to distance himself from me. Ultimately, that only lead to him being trapped even further inside the garden.

I let out a sigh. He's not gonna listen to me in this state and calming him down will be even more difficult unless I get closer to him. But then, that would just freak him out more since he'll think I want to hurt him. Still, I won't be able to reason with him if he refuses to listen to me at all so I have to get closer to him so he will listen.

Just as I started moving closer, as expected, he lets out a low shriek and whimpers as his legs give out and he slumps to the floor in the corner. He's shivering, crying and mumbling all at the same time.

"Please, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please, don't hurt me, please. I'll leave, I'll leave."

This time, I let out a much sadder sigh. I don't like having to do this but if I don't, then he'll just forever have this misconception of me and refuse to talk to me ever again. Still, seeing him on the dirt, crying makes me rethink my approach.

If I remember correctly, mum used to hug me and gently stroke my head to calm me down whenever I was like this. I mean, as a grown man now, that is really embarrassing but maybe it'll calm Josh down enough for me to explain. If anything, maybe confuse him enough that he just stops crying at the absurdity of what I'm doing. Don't judge me, I'm not an expert at handling these situations!

I kneeled down and grabbed him which served to be difficult as he tried to fight me but considering I'm bigger than him by a longshot, you can guess who won.

"No! Please! I'm sssooorryy!"

I sit down on the bench with him on my lap, his head over my shoulder as I hugged his torso with one arm and used the other to stroke the back of his head.

"Josh. Please, calm down. I'm not mad. I'm not mad."

Although he's still crying, I do notice that he has calmed down a little.

"Josh. Did you really think I was gonna hurt you?"

Silence.

"I-I'm sorry..."

"Josh, you don't need to apologise."

"..."

"Do you really like me that way?"

"..."

"Josh?"

"N-no..."

"Josh. Answer me truthfully, please."

"M-maybe... Don't hurt me, please!"

"I'm not here to hurt you, Josh. I'm here to explain."

"Explain..?"

"Yes. You wouldn't let me speak to you before you ran out and locked yourself in your room. I wanted you to open the door so I can explain to you how I felt about it."

"You...You're not mad?"

"If I was mad, I wouldn't be here talking to you, Josh."

"Sorry..."

"Josh, sigh.  No, stop apologising. You don't need to apologise to me. Just...listen to me, please."

"... Okay."

"I'll admit, the kiss was unexpected. It was random and out of nowhere. I understand why anyone would get mad at that. Still, I would only be a hypocrite if I did get mad at you for doing that."

His ears perk up at that.

"Hypocrite? What do you-"

"Well...I mean, okay, there isn't any way to phrase this without sounding weird so I'll just say it as it is. Yeah, I fantasise doing something similar. Kissing and cuddling and, well, stuff like that."

His face goes red as he proceeds to, surprisingly, hide his face into my body.

"I mean, I'm a living being, too, you know. I've had some crushes but none really last for all that long. But you,  you're different, Josh. I genuinely enjoy your company and I, well, I mean... Argh, it's cliché and you probably don't want to hear that."

"Um... I mean, I'd like to know why you have a crush on someone like me."

This time, it was my turn to blush. God, this is gonna be embarrassing.

"Well, uh, I mean... I like it when you talk about your interests, you always find a way to make it sound fun and exciting. Your smile and your laugh and, oh god, this is so embarrassing..."

"Hehe, I didn't take you for such a sappy romantic."

"Hey, you asked!"

He giggles which makes me happy since now, it seems he has calmed down completely from his panic attack. But now... A mischievous thought crosses my mind.

"Well, if you're gonna laugh, then I hope you don't mind if I..."

I don't finish the sentence before pulling him into a kiss.