Hidden Hearts

07 - Nervous Thoughts

Max

I've never really been one to lose my cool but when he asked about my childhood back at the café, my brain just short-circuited. College and running have made for great distractions but it was only a matter of time until old wounds would resurface. Though, I don't blame Josh for asking since I did ask him about his childhood so I should have expected him to be curious of mine.

I decided to push away the feeling of familiarity, not feeling up to investigate the mystery any further today. I did get some bits of info about him however minor that info was.

Although I don't use this term lightly since I'm not stupid enough to not realise the reason other furs want to get close to me, I would consider Josh to be a friend. I don't know his true motives but the past few days and even today is giving me a rough outline of what type of fur he is.

We soon arrive in front of my dorm room and so I take my student ID and swiped it on the scanner installed into the door. It let out a small beep before the light atop of it flashed green, indicating that it was open. I opened the door and gestured for Josh to enter.

My dorm was pretty standard for a single occupant room. A modestly sized bathroom and an adequately sized main space that housed my bed, desk and other stuff that i don't feel like describing. I wouldn't say my room is messy since I tend to keep my stuff organised but I won't lie when I say that I had left some things cluttered when I left to hang out with Josh.

"Well, make yourself comfortable."

With that invitation, he decided to sit down on the chair at my desk.

"You know, for a school filled with rich kids, I would've thought these rooms would be...more extravagant", Josh comments.

"Well, there's only so much land they can build on before they run out of space."

"Hm. I guess you're right."

And here it is again, the dreaded silence. When will there be a time where this silence is enjoyable rather than unbearable? I just feel mentally drained each time silence looms over us, judging me for the fact that I could not think on my feet and just socialise like a normal fur. But what is there to talk about if there were nothing to talk about at all? Was I doomed to a life of agonising silence and awkward conversations?

Soon, my memory begins to come back but this time, in full force. Forcing me to remember and to relive each painful memory from those godforsaken years. Yet there was always just one variable missing to this entire thing. That same blurred individual who I had talked to about school and homework. Common things for high schoolers.

To say we were friends were an overstatement as I only ever talked to them after school had let out and even then, I only discussed school things. It feels like I'm getting close to it all but the answer only lied upon the blurred individual that I keep seeing pop up.

Although it seemed impossible, I looked upon the husky who has started idling away on his phone as I was lost in thought. Truly an interesting husky. Only just met and he has managed to derail my train of thought just by existing. Not to say him existing is a bad thing, of course!

Now that I think about it, I got a lot of answers to my questions but he didn't get much answers from me. Well, I did say something about getting to know each other. Did I say that, though?

Argh, whatever!

"Josh."

He looks up from his phone and places it down on my desk.

"If you want, you can start asking me any questions you want."

He stares at me for a bit, letting that dreadful silence hang in the air before responding.

"You sure you're gonna be okay if I ask you questions?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. I'm not fragile to cry over a question."

He raises a brow.

"Oh, shut up! I wasn't even crying."

He chuckles before asking his questions. His questions were rather tame though seemed to target an audience that clearly were outgoing, in which I was barely. My responses felt a bit dry as I tried to answer with full honesty. God, I am a really boring fur, eh?

it seemed he had many questions and I tried to answer them but at times, I had to take break to drink water as he kept asking me more and more questions. Time passes by quickly that I didn't even know we had been doing this QnA for about 3 hours now. Looking at my phone, I had to do a double take as I saw what the time was.

Josh looked too and even he looked surprised when he saw the time. What was the saying again? Time flies fast when you're having fun?

But, it was just some questions he asked that I answered. Though, admittedly, it did feel a bit fun answering any questions that he had about me. Still, he steered clear of any mention of that, in which I am grateful that he did. Even if I consider him a friend, there's still a long road ahead before I decide to tell him the story of my childhood.

For now, I felt content just having him here to talk to. I never realised it but having someone to talk to other than the professors felt refreshing. I guess its the informality of speaking to a friend compared to the formality of speaking to a professor. Just talking to Josh felt rather relaxing, almost like I had been running but this time I was stationary on my bed as I answered his questions.

Soon though, he needed to go back to his own room and I felt a bit sad that he had to leave. I reasoned to myself that I would see him again later. It's not like he's going across the world or something.

I see him out the door as I waved goodbye. Closing the door behind me, I head back to my bed and laid upon it. I thought back to what I had just called Josh.

A friend. Yeah, a friend.

My first true friend.