A Court of Golden Shadows

Chapter 8

He was sad. He was furious. He was desperate. He tried to clear his mind and focus only on Gwyn. He had never seen her cry, not even when he had rescued her from Hybern's men. She had had a traumatized, shocked expression on her face, but she had not cried. Feeling her body shake and her tears wet his clothes made Azriel want to protect her more than anything. Destroy whoever or whatever was making her cry. He held her tightly to his chest until she started to relax. He put some distance between them and lifted Gwyn's chin so he could look her in the eyes.

He didn't say anything. He didn't have to. Gwyn knew what he wanted and she decided to finally give in and talk.

"A village near Sangravah was attacked. Most of them were either raped or slaughtered. As soon as I heard about it, I went to help them, but there was not much I could do. The village was in ruins and seeing the villagers..."

She took a deep breath and swallowed as tears started forming in her eyes again.

"They all looked so shattered. Had I known about it earlier, I could have helped them. Some of them would still be alive."

Her voice started to break with that last sentence and tears were falling from her cheeks again as she turned to look at Azriel in the eyes.

"Of what use is everything I have learned in these past months if I'm still powerless to help?"

When Azriel didn't answer she let her head fall down and tears roll down her cheeks, until he finally spoke.

"Having power doesn't mean that you are all powerful. There are things that no one can prevent or do anything to make them better. It's not your fault they are dead. There's nothing you could have done to stop it from happening. Not even Rhys, Cassian or I could have prevented that. We are at war and during wars, lives are lost and sometimes we can't do anything to help."

"So we just have to move on and live with it?"

"I know it's hard, but it's for the best. If you let your grief consume you, even more lives will be lost."

She remained quiet for a while, giving thought to Azriel's words. And then she dried her tears, straightened her back and looked at Azriel with bravery and determination in her eyes.

"I want to help. I want to fight. No more lives will be lost, not if I can help it."

"We can't do anything unless we have proof that Beron is the one behind this. Right now it's all on me and Lucien."

"Then I want to help you with it."

"Gwyn-"

"Don't," she interrupted him.

Azriel turned to look at her, shocked. Her voice hadn't been sweet or soft like it usually was, it had come out fierce and strong. And the look on her face said that she was not going to accept a no for an answer. That's when it hit him that the last thing she had said was not a request. It was a statement. She was going to get involved whether he liked it or not.

"I'm going to help, so don't even try to talk me out of it" she said as she looked at him in the eyes. Her chin lifted high and her jaw set.

Azriel returned the glare with the same intensity and when he spoke, his voice was firm and commanding.

"Fine. We leave at dusk."

He left the room without another word. Gwyn picked up the stuff they had used and left to get ready.

Azriel met Gwyn at the rink. She was wearing illyrian leathers and her hair was tied up, making her freckled face and teal eyes shine even more.

"Ready?" he asked as he approached her.

"More than ready" she said with a firm nod as Azriel took her in his arms and they both flew through the sundown.