Stick To It

Scabs

The room remains silent as I finish my side of the story. I lean back in my chair. The clock's constant ticking was the only noise in the room besides the rhythmic scrawling of Dr. Malagrene. "'Goes gently into that good night.' That's an odd choice of words Trenton. Care to explain?" I tap the armchair repeatedly and anxiously. "Well, I, I don't want to say... I don't." The words trip up in my mouth. "You don't want to say death, I presume?" I nod. "I think I've heard that line before. What's it from?" "A poem." "Are you a fan of poetry Trenton?" "No, not really. I just remember reading about that one somewhere. And it just kind of stuck around in my head." "What do you do in your free time, Trenton?" "Well, I used to play baseball. Not anymore though, I just couldn't put my heart into it anymore." "That's not good, what do you do now?" "I read. I've been thinking about writing too. But just reading for now." "Why the sudden change?" "I just feel like... if I was able to express myself more. Or knew more things I could've changed what happened. Maybe if I wasn't so selfish as to just mind myself I could've been there on time..." "Trenton, I think you are a much more kind and considerate person than you think. Answer me this, why are you coming to our sessions?" "To get better?" "And why are you trying to get better?" "Because I've been such an ass-" She interrupts me there. "We don't curse ourselves in this room, Trenton." The room goes quiet for a bit because I had already given her my answer.

She sighs. "Trenton. You will get better. I know this because you are a rare type of person. I've checked your grades and other duties. And you haven't let them down yet. You are stubborn and responsible. I don't know if you are trying your best, but you are trying. And that's more than enough. I can promise you that I will do my best to help you. Don't worry about your meds. If you show continual good progress, I won't prescribe them." I look at her reassuring smile. "T-thanks doc." She looks down at her watch. "Looks like our time is up for today. Trenton, I want you to just write a page a day. It doesn't matter what. Just fill an entire page with whatever you want to write about. And, please go outside some more." I walk out of the office at her invitation. "I'll try." "No Trenton, you will do."

The months pass by like that, I'm still not ready to confront my friends yet, I'm waiting for a big break I suppose. Initiating things is hard. Soon, a year passes by, and I drift further apart from my pals. It turns up my insides. And I know it's entirely my fault too. They've tried to reach out but I've either ignored it, blew up, or flaked. It created a downward spiral of bad. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, Josh invited all of us to a reunion on the death day of Hannah and Beth. And I knew this was my one chance to set things right. So, I agreed to go. Much to the surprise of everyone else.

"Trenton. I'm glad you are willing to go back to the lodge. It's very brave of you." Dr. Malagrene says in our final session before the get-together. Here, I know it may be hard for you, so if it gets too unbearable, use this." She hands me a button. "I know there isn't much of a signal up at the lodge, but this button sends out a powerful radio wave. Use it to call for help. I don't want you having a panic attack up there." I fiddle around with it. "Thanks, Dr. Malagrene." She pats my shoulder. "No, thank you for trying Trenton." And I leave that therapy session in a good mood.

"I'm beginning to have second thoughts," I say from shotgun to my mom. "Trenton." "I-i know I said I would come but-" "Trenton." My mom says more firmly. "You are ready sweetpea. You can't apologize if you don't show up." I sigh in response, "You're right mom. And I know you are right. But I just feel... antsy. Like everyone's just going to be so mad at me for showing up." "They wouldn't be your friends if they didn't try to understand. Trust me, you'll be fine. I don't want you using that emergency button Dr. Malagrene gave you, but if you feel you have to use it, at least wait till after you make up with your friends." "Alright..." The car pulls into the road leading up to the mountain and mom parks it. "I'll see you Sunday. I love you." "I love you too mom." I sling my bag onto my shoulders and grab my shoulder bag. And I start my trip up this cursed mountain.