Alexis

La Bava ei Sogni del Bambina

The Drool and the Dreams of the Child

Photo source— Pinterest

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I was out for a while. Maybe it was the pills? I don't know. I woke up when my dreams took a sharp turn. Everything Frediano said echoed loud and clear. My dad getting shot replayed. Vincent told me that whore was pregnant.

All of it made my eyes open, forcing me out of REM sleep. The sun was starting to come up. Did I sleep the whole day? I guess that means I needed to eat? I didn't want to eat though. I felt like I didn't deserve it. Not when I killed my father. I wanted to run away again but a thought came to me.

No one would let me leave if they thought I wasn't well.

I pulled myself out of bed. I needed to eat so I could run away. Rightly. Maybe that was the problem. I ran. What if I went the easy way out? What if I got permission? Said I couldn't stay here because it made me sad?

I caused too many problems.

American Scum.

I sat up in bed.

"Alexis?" Dante called. He was on the phone. "I gotta go, love. I'll call you later. Let me know how everything goes." He pulled the phone away from his ear, ending the call. "How do you feel?"

"Hungry," I lied. I had no appetite.

Fake it 'til you make it.

"Want me to make you something? Vincent should be here in about twenty minutes."

I didn't want to see Vincent.

He let my dad sign a will.

I let dad die.

My fault.

I took a deep breath, shrugging.

"I can cook for myself if you need to pick him up," I explained, getting out of bed and walking to my bathroom. I walked out after I did my business, Dante was still in my room. I sighed.

I realized the consequence of getting caught: I will be babysat.

God, please, just kill me.

I didn't say anything. Simply, I walked out of my room, downstairs, and into the kitchen. I filled a glass with water and put bread in the toaster as I washed some fruit. I just needed to eat this so Dr. Williams could clear me.

"I don't think that was on the list of foods for you to eat."

I was going to kill myself.

"Move. I'll make it."

I only moved because it would benefit me. If Dante made sure to make those and check them off then I could show Dr. Williams. I could be cleared.

I waited as Dante made food. He handed me medication as well before sending me upstairs to get some rest. I lay in my bed, curled up under my covers. I had the strange desire to scrub my face and hands. I wanted to wash off the blood (although, in reality, there was none) and my nationality. Maybe if I scrubbed hard enough, some Italian would come up? Or maybe more American Scum?

I turned in my bed, closing my eyes. I wished I never woke up.

My mind traveled to Vincent. How could he let that man approve my dad's will?

I glanced over to where I kept my dad's will that he left me. I hadn't opened it. I guess I should. Dad left it for a reason, the least I could do was read it. I leaned over, pulling out both envelopes. I first read the instructions for my father's funeral. I kept my eyes closed for most of it, keeping in tears.