Haunted Dreams

Every Day (C) Samara Crawford

Every day I fight the horror of having to get out of bed

I fight having to wake up and act normal

I fight staying in bed all day and crying

And I fight blasting loud music to make my problems go away

Sometimes I fail

Sometimes I cry

Sometimes I just want to die

Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it doesn’t

But that doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I still bleed

Sometimes without knowing

Sometimes by accident, sometimes by not

But I’m trying every day

And I’m getting more confidence in everything

And I’m becoming brave

But I’m still just waiting for that to change again

For me to go back to the way I was before

Go back to being miserable with my life, miserable with my happiness

Go back to the stinging pain and the blood flowing down the sink

Go back to the numbness when I’m injured, when I’m bleeding, because I’m used to it.

Sometimes people tell me to do that

They don’t like who I am

I don’t either