three rooms | nathan gardner

II

Warnings: mentions of drugs, swear words, intrusive thoughts
Word count: 1026

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I used to have full control over myself, I really did. Even the most upsetting situations meant nothing to me as I somehow managed to stand my ground and resist. 

Mr. Gardner was a part of my strict and cold attitude as he always made me feel anxious about exams or anything else that required some kind of preparation and knowledge, his teaching method shaped my character through years of sweat and pain.

He was extremely demanding, very few students were able to earn good grades or his “sympathy”: he wasn’t really talkative outside classroom.
No, indeed.
He seemed to disappear every time the bell rang and nobody could’ve guessed where he was headed to. 

His whole private life was an enigma.

Through the years I’ve never thought about him that much, I just used to make sure that my grades were perfect and obsessed over every little detail about his fascinating lessons. He was remarkably good at teaching, I felt as if he held universal knowledge within him. 

Such a witty, mysterious human.

Stop it. That was not what I wanted to think about. 
It was strictly inappropriate and shameful.

But then again, as I struggled to keep my mind in place it only got worse. 

I was lifting weights in the college gym, fighting gravity as best as I could and the more I tried to pay attention to my movements, the more a remote area of my head tried to make itself heard, shouting annoying thoughts about Mr. Gardner and other indefinite details, almost evanescent to my memory.

For a week since the beginning of the last year I was losing my reasoning with frightening speed: I had to stay focused, stoic.
Utter control over your mind leads to success, that was all to me.

When I finished my training I changed in the locker room, maniacally checking the clock: I had time for a cigarette before entering the classroom. 

Strolling through the University park I leaned against the wall of the Medical school building, pulling out a Lucky Strike.  

Intent on fighting my impure conscience, I noticed Mr. Gardner himself out of the corner of my eye: he was people watching. 
Naively I rattled my lighter against the vial of morphine that I kept in the inside pocket of my usual checkered blazer, causing his eyes to move slowly towards me.  

He hadn't even turned his face in my direction, just his gaze. 

As if I weren't there he pulled out an old-fashioned cigarette case, pulling out a black one with a gold filter.
I was intrigued. He wet the filter with his lower lip placing the cigarette at the corner of his mouth, lighting it with a miserable match.  

How much peculiarity he exuded.  

Stupidly I realized I had been staring at him all the time when he didn't give any meaning to my presence, so I worried about finishing my cigarette in a hurry. 
Nobody spoke, not even when I finished before him.  
I was greedy and quick to smoke, he wasn't even halfway through: he was methodical.  
I took leave of Mr. Gardner with a respectful nod.

His voice immediately stopped me.

«Miss Theller, turn around.», he hissed with a low, demanding tone.

I felt light shivers down my spine and immediately obeyed, facing him as he kept his distance while letting the smoke escape from his slightly parted lips without ever touching the cigarette, hands in pockets.  
He was wearing a couture coat over a black sweater tucked into brown velvet pants, but what did it matter to me?!  

«Your test finished third in the ranking. Clearly you didn’t pay attention to my lesson about Freud.», he clicked his tongue on the palate.

«I expected more».

I felt like I was dying, I would have preferred to die rather than finish third in his ranking.  

«It will never happen again Professor Gardner, I swear. I will immediately focus on my path», the bell that signaled the beginning of the lessons rang through the air. 

Mr Gardner pulled away from the wall.  

«It will be better for you Miss Theller, now off you go». 

Almost bowing my head I left, holding a hand tightly on the vial that was beating against my chest: I wanted to disappear.  

I was heading to Philosophy class when I saw a tall guy joking loudly with his stupid friends: it was Arsenio Besessenheit. 
I almost forgot my vibrant invective against myself when hearing him insult German girls, barking as they passed.  

I felt the blood rush to my head and my pupils shrink as he shouted to the crowd of students that he had come first on Mr. Gardner's rankings.  

My hearing was muffled with throbbing blood.  

Him, overcome me?  

I didn't even try to hide the pleasant desire to take the syringe with which I used to pierce my arm to stab it in his throat, until it tore the vocal cords.  
And so I spent the class and the rest of the day obsessively thinking about my hatred for that jerk. What a douchebag.

I walked aimlessly through the large park until dusk: I had nowhere to go and I could not study. I was restless, no one would force me to leave. No one.

But of course I wasn’t alone.

I heard a door close and footsteps stop behind me. I didn't need to turn around. I recognised his scent immediately. 

«Miss Theller you look like a caged animal to me, go back to your dorm.», he said in his usual indifferent and low tone.  

I didn't move.  

«Now».

I squinted and obeyed, it was impossible for me to disobey Mr Gardner especially after having let him down.  

I hunched my shoulders and without saying anything walked to my car, heading towards my dormitory which was in the west side of the college.  

The year had definitely started in the worst way possible. 

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Pls do mind the mistakes, I'm trying so bad to make the chapters understandable.

Whew, it almost feels good to be back.