three rooms | nathan gardner

III

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs
Word count: 1040

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I had never gotten to the point of sabotaging myself so much. 

While the days were struggling to follow each other and I hardly lived them, I was busy studying countless pages for the first oral exam of the year, and it was a psychology one. 

I spent a whole night kept alive by desires of glory and a vital need of being praised by Mr. Gardner. I studied until I heard the birds chirping outside my bedroom window, the soft lights of dawn rising into the sky.  

I looked mad.  

My eyes were surrounded by thick dark circles, my face thin. 

I tried to fix myself with some makeup, but it didn't cover my poor condition. 

God, my head was about to burst.  

I had to stay focused, yet as I dressed elegantly for the occasion I felt the notions learned in one night slip away from my mind. It was panicking.

I faced a hard time repeating the concepts in a whisper heading towards the Psychology faculty on foot to have more time to think, my legs went forward like robots.  

I entered class first, already positioning myself in front of the finely decorated desk. I was first on the list for this exam which would have been individual, a situation that with Mr. Gardner can get better or worse in seconds, it's all up to you.  

I squeezed the vial of morphine as soon as he walked in on time, placing his leather briefcase on the desk, quickly unbuttoning his jacket and adjusting his vest.  

He was gloomy.  

The aura of him, I mean. 

He looked at me only after sitting down crossing his legs gracefully, placing his veined hands on the armrests of his comfortable chair.  

He looked like a king.  

Stop it you stupid girl, focus on the exam.  

«Today we will have to speed things up. I’m sure you won’t mind sharing this moment with a classmate of yours, will you Miss Theller?». 

Fuck. That was my worst nightmare.  

«No problem Professor Gardner». 

He called in my rival.

«Mr. Besessenheit, sit down».

I tightened my grip on my pants, my right eyelid started to shake. 

Calm. Control your mind.  

The jerk sat down spreading his legs as if he had a right to do so, but a menacing glance from Mr Gardner forced him to shake that braggart look off. 

Yeah, fuck you dipshit.

«Let's get started».

I dealt with the first questions as skillfully as I used to. 
Clearly I was overcoming that moron, but his answers were equally pertinent. How could he be so prepared yet such an asshole outside the classroom?  

And then it struck me.  

In the middle of my exposition on Freud's second topic I saw a yellow-eyed owl looking at me perched on the desk.  

«The Es is the cradle of our impulses ...» 

I blinked several times, it was still there. I looked up and saw Mr Gardner frown, bewildered by my behavior. With a bored sigh he asked the bastard to finish my sentence.  

«Sexual impulses, for the most part. According to Freud they are the engine that moves us as human beings.».

I was full of spite, I wanted to smash something in his head.  
Yet I nodded pursing my lips, looking at the motionless owl again.  
I hadn't taken a drop of morphine before for God’s sake, or did I?  
Since when did I see things that didn't exist?  

After seemingly interminable minutes, we finished the exam.  

«Miss Theller started quite well, better than Mr. Besessenheit, but then she froze for no good reason.».

I took a deep breath.  

«I would give you the same grade, do you both accept it?» 

No.  

«Yes Professor Gardner», we answered in unison.  

That scumbag gave me a defiant grin and I clenched my fists until my fingernails hurt my palms, killing him with my eyes.  
I saw Mr Gardner watching us carefully.  

«Get out of here, Mr. Besessenheit.», and so he gladly did.

I stood in my seat not having been allowed to leave, so I went back to staring at the owl that seemed to have come closer.  
I swallowed, sinking back as those yellow eyes dug into me.  

«You have never studied the night before Miss Theller», I jumped at hearing his threatening tone just a few feet away from me.  

He was by my side, his arms folded and his eyes as dark as oil anchored in mine. I lingered on the fabric of the jacket that wrapped the swollen biceps, ending up in his piercing gaze. 

I was scared, chained between four goddamn eyes.  

«What are you doing in the shadows Miss Theller?», instinctively I squeezed the vial, standing up.  

Why did he care about me?  

«There are students outside waiting for their turn Professor Gardner, I must go now».

He stamped his foot firmly on the ground and stood in front of me to block my way, a chilling expression on his face. He was furiously calm, authoritarian.  

«I didn't give you permission to leave.», he hissed calmly, but the voice of his next victim stopped him from telling me anything else that would tear my pride apart.  

We weren't too close, but I could feel the warmth of his masterfully controlled anger oozing from his expensive clothes.  

«It doesn't end here Miss Theller.».

With my heart in my throat I fled without second thoughts.  
Why had I allowed him to see through my mask? Nobody had to understand how I was feeling inside, especially him.  

I went out to get some air and also to avoid having to put up with Arsenio and his gang of illiterate monkeys persecuting every soul in the building. 
However, that exam gave me two certainties: the first was that I would do everything to destroy that piece of shit, the second that I was no longer a ghost in the eyes of Mr. Gardner.  

And I, from that day, felt a gut wrenching feeling of having his chilling stare on me wherever I went.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Geez sorry for the late update but during these days i have been busy af and it will only get worse :,)