DARK BOWL CALLED 'HEART'

I Hate Myself When...

I hate myself when, I get stuck in my addiction
When my lusts control me and I can't control it
When what I am in my closet seems to haunt me
When my mind doesn't have what's best to offer me

I hate myself when, I finally tend to fall in love
Maybe it's because I fall, 'cause I'd break my heart
I hate myself when the infatuation gets so strong
It seems uncontrollable but vanishes like a smoke

I hate myself I'm reminded my flaws and my faults
My mind reminding me my past and how I'm not enough
I hate myself when I feel deprived and abated
It hurts me, gripes me and I might get so berated

I hate myself when I find out I can't live up to God's standards
No matter how I try, I keep on falling, maintaining the cycle
Where I ask for forgiveness, grace to move on, but
When temptation comes, I'm captivated and no more in control

I hate myself when I can't find love and am encumbered
With sadness and guilt and cares and my fears of the unknown
When I feel like I need someone, but it's too early to awaken love
Making me feel odd and weak to be craving for sincere hugs

I hate myself when I brood over my past mistakes
I feel like am a fool for not doing what is right
Well, that isn't a lie, is it? I think I was a fool
I hate myself, so much that I wanna give it all up

I hate myself when I trust so quickly, and easily
Normally, I wouldn't want to give in, I actually tried
But, I fail most times so I'm not too surprised
For failing this time, though that's not how it's like

I hate myself when I can't be who I wanna be
Being a big brother and role model for my brothers
I hate myself when I yell at them and wanna stay away
I wish I could change things, but I'm stuck anyway

I hate myself when I feel so much anxiety and emotions
I really need to see a therapist or I might go berserk
I hate myself when I feel too much weight on my chest
Desiring for things I know I can't get at the moment

I hate myself for the fact that am human
Though it's beautiful, yet I hate it
I hate myself sometimes, even though I can't explain it
My life altogether, I don't know how to explain it.