DARK BOWL CALLED 'HEART'

Wrong Thoughts

I thought keeping these things to myself would be fine
I thought no one ever cared about me or had my time
I thought I could never find someone like me
I thought so much and I did live like I thought about me

I thought I would be able to handle my problems alone
I mean, everybody had their own issues so big
So much that mine won't even stand to compare
I thought I could stand and deal with life alone

Then, I decided to do what I thought was right
But then, I lost the energy to stand and fight
Even though being a taciturn felt safe and right
I still wanted to pour out everything to someone

I thought being vulnerable meant being gullible
Too bad, life seemed to confirm my suspicions
I thought I could hold up and not say anything
But, I yielded to my urge and let out my secrets

Then, I thought sharing would be fine
I thought, I could really be free when I open up
But it is just so hard to find the right person
I was just like a time bomb, cause no one fitted my desire

I thought God never loved me
Me - the sinful and dirty me
I thought He only cared when I'm pure
And I thought I could never be pure

I thought self-control was just a mental feat
I thought it was something I could achieve
Just be being determined and resolute
But I thought wrongly and I failed

I thought I didn't need attention
I also thought I needed attention
My mind got splitted into two factions
And I just can't tell what would be reaction

I knew sad songs might depress me
But they are all I could listen to
They identify so much with me
And I thought, and still think, I won't get over them

I learnt that Jesus loves me
Love so infinite and unconditional
But, I thought that is quite untrue
Cause I just can't experience it

It is hard for my mind to comprehend
How would He love a wretched me?
I struggle so much to get Your attention, Lord!
But, why am I still stuck in my mire?

God, my mind is corrupted and impure
If Your love is real, then let it transform me
I'm a broken vessel and I can't hold a thing
Make me and give me a new beginning

I just want to have a great life
I just want to have an happy ending
Get rich, get married and make heaven
Yes, I really wanna go home - with You, God

I thought Your Way is the truth
I thought You would save me
I thought You won't give up on me
I wanna believe I never thought wrongly