Beginnings

Chapter 18- I would

WARNING:there is swearing and I do not display people in good light but they are drunk and it is only fan fic and this is how i see the situation and I need drama sorry If u hate cause it's not gunna be happy happy boring all the way through I need this so I do apologise and ignore any coarse language and I shall make this a 13+ chapter anyway just to be safe..other then that hope you enjoy the show down to come ;)
Bella's POV:
We sit around this kind of fire pit area waiting for the boys to come back..speaking of them where are they??? It's been hours since I've seen them..oh well I don't care really anyway they'll be fine why do I always panic way too easily,I sigh at my silliness and focus my attention back to Luke who I've zoned out on in my thoughts. He is telling me this really funny story actually about him and his dad camping in the outback since he's from Australia then he's telling me they came face to face with a crocodile and they didn't know what to do..I'm listening his story but can't help but wander to just thinking about him his dimples shining as he watches my movements carefully always keeping eye contact as his hand rests in mine intertwining our fingers in such a delicate way he notices my gaze to shift towards us and he stops "you alright,Bella?" He says questioning my disconnect in his story his blue eyes looking down at me in a piercing way considering his height of over 6ft it feels he looms over me I look up at him and smile "sorry just thinking about you." I say too quickly without realising and his face forms a grin and I feel the need to face palm my self but he giggles and says "I like this you know..I like you and obviously you do too enough to listen to my very boring stories." He says chuckling "I like your stories." I say frowning at him slightly confuses by his remark "well that's definitely a first cause no body else seems to.." He says giving a dimply smile with slight awe in his eye I smile back as he continues "I was thinking..maybe." He rubs the back of his neck "never mid it's silly really." He stops and blushes "no tell me." I say smiling rubbing his hand in the small way of comfort "no don't worry about it." He says laughing as he tries to continue with his story but I stop him "Luke Hemings! Tell me this instant!" I say trying to sound serious but fail miserably as we both laugh at my attempt then he replays saying "geez your cute,but seriously don't worry." He smiles before a blush creeps up on him as he realised he just hit on me and he looks away quickly "you don't need to be shy around me." I say reassuringly as he slowly looks back at me "I know,I just can't help but be stupid around you..you just make me so nervous." He says honestly I take it in before saying "I can make that easier." I say leaning into him my mouth inches from his and he blushes "if I tell you what I wanted to,will you stop flirting with me for a minute so I don't sound look like an idiot.." He says chuckling at the end "sure,but you better make it worth my time." I say giggling at this I liked the way we talked and how he made me feel it was indescribable honestly it makes me feel weak and strong with many colours exploding in a symphony of light and sound of pure lust and desire but mostly love and need to be with him so that feeling can remain with me it's different to other people I can't even explain it the only other person to give me this was...Louis...omg Louis?!? Realisation hits me like a brick and my face and body change in panic..I have forgotten about Louis?!? Has he seen this?? Is he jealous?!? My thoughts are interrupted by Luke as he notices my agitation "are you okay,you seem on edge about something?" He says with worried eyes I calm myself before replying "no fine just abit excited about what your gunna tell me." I say pushing the thought to the back of my mind and putting on the fakest smile I can muster and he looks at me once more eyebrow raised before closing his eyes and breathing in deeply and then saying "please don't judge me..but I was wondering..if you wanted to go on a date with me on Saturday?" He says opening his eyes to see my reaction I try my best to muster a smile and struggle to answer because my mind can't stop thinking about Louis...I'm a bad person my mind replayed you don't deserve Louis!! You left him you slutty bitch!!! You traded him in for a better model!!!but your worthless!! Your nothing but a lying bitch making every guy you meet like you..but honestly who would like you!! They probably pity you,give you sympathy!! I swallow the guilt and truth that my brain is saying and fight back the tears "sounds great." I manage to say acting really excited and he smiles really widely and then wafts on about our date being at this new carnival that's just come to town but I can't focus on his words because everything reminds me of him..Louis use to take me to carnivals..Louis my brain ticks the repeated name as I groan at this for the sinking guilt has finally set in and I know it's true I can't make up or try lie because I know I felt love for someone else... I did something that would hurt him soo much if he knew what I felt for Luke... I cheated on Louis..and I can't take that back ever and even though it's feels wrong I still feel something for them both and I'm too selfish to give either of them and I kind of..want them both....
Zayn's POV:
I've never seen Louis like this before yes he's been heartbroken over girls before. Yes he's reacted badly in situations. But never like this. This is indescribable. The Louis I see now is not my mate. He's not acting human he's acting insane. I can hear him from in front of me. As he stumbles and mumbles many things to him self like a mad man. Bella you bitch!! I think to myself what has she done to him!! I hate her soooo much right now!! And I know it's not just because I'm drunk it's her fault he's like this!!! If I had a gun right now I could honestly probably shoot her but the only thing that would stop me would be Louis he would never let me hurt..his precious Bella! I spit on the ground in disgust at the words. In my opinion this is not Luke's fault at all he was just under this bitches spell it's what she does to every guy..even me. The realisation hits me and I spit again as my breath is laced with anger at the thought of ever liking that bitch! Fuck I would really like to beat her up right now..it's pretty tempting actually.. But no I can't only for Louis though no one else...Bella is just about as bad as mikaela..fuck them both actually those two bitches plotting together to get every guy wrapped around their finger.I mean I fucking hate them both with a burning hate that could kill..mikaela I think about our past how we fell for each other and I spit yet again..at my stupidity I really am a moron for love but as they say love is blind I must be the fucking reason for that saying..fuck I hate myself even more then them for being so stupid how could I honestly be so dumb I know I'm naive but fuck this really cuts the cake doesn't it outsmarted by my girlfriend and a girl I really liked geez these bitches really pulled one on me and Louis but they shall get their revenge and when it comes for them they will probably die on the inside for ever fucking with me and Harry is gunna pay too for falling for her and trusting her but not as much but I can easily give his revenge but I suggest the girls sleep with one eye open cause they won't see us coming...nether less let's beat up this douchebag Luke for falling for her and causing this whole problem but really I just need a punching bag to take my anger out on in the mean time even though I feel sorry he got used aww well he will learn the hard way I guess....
Harry's POV:
I stood stand here gobsmacked she just ran from me right in front of my eyes and what do I do?? I stand here looking like a fish with my mouth hanging open..I really am very slow reacting to suituation. I move slowly to sit down on a dead stump and figure out the situation displayed out before me. I have no idea how I'm gunna dig my self out of this hole..cause firstly I lead Tilly on..secondly I fell for mikaela which conflicted me..thirdly even knowing I should've broken up with Tilly I kissed mikaela making her feel guilty and then finally she ran away realising I'm not worth her fucking time and to probably rat out my womaniser ways to Tilly and the others.. I shake my head as I pull at the roots of my hair. Dumb,dumb,dumb Harry...womaniser Harry to save the day again whoop de doo.. I shake my head again trying to rid myself of all the nasty thoughts crawling at my brain telling me this is wrong and to tell Tilly the truth but how??? And then I think back to my thought of mikaela ratting me out and realise she would never do that to me and it's because I trapped her under my spell why do I do this to girls?? Why do they give me their time of day when I muck them about with countless promises never followed through and lies that hide my real reason....I know what it is too but no one shall ever know my real reason except Mikaela that girl changed me for life it's because of her that I see a different perspective and I fear this because of her I shake it from my head the pictures of it coming back to haunt me...I shiver trying to focus back on how to get mikaela without hurting Tilly..who am I kidding I've hurt Tilly and there's no way she would forgive me for this..I acted so in love with her even though I had strong feelings for mikaela too just thinking about it makes me sick.. I finally come to one conclusion that's the best bet telling Tilly the whole truth about my mixed feelings and what happened now and she will understand. Right?? Maybe...well I suppose it's my only chance lying will just dig me deeper and I can't fake it because the guilt will eat me alive. I move off the stump back to the group to talk to both Tilly an Mikaela...I hope I win the girl and eventually get forgiven by the other...
Niall's POV:
I say in this circle with Tilly,Liam,Ashton,Calum,Michael and I as I was really meant to be getting to know Liam as he told us countless funny stories of his childhood and memories with Bella and his life experiences but I couldn't really pay attention as I sat in complete silence looking content when really my mind was wandering to what I saw...As the guilt of it eats away at me as I see Tilly sometimes flick me a smile and each time that happens it takes another toll on me as in my mind I mentally break down cause even as a kid I could never lie because the guilt would eat away at me no matter how small it was...
***
*flashback*
I sat biting away at my nails as I kept glancing at the clock checking the time constantly waiting for 5 to roll around..I was scared what my parents would think when they know what I've done..no Niall play it cool act like nothing's happen,spring it randomly... Each minute that ticked passed I grew more frantic and when it was quarter to I ended pacing back and forth across the hall waiting for them to be back..usually being 13 year old Niall I would go to the pizza parlour with my mates considering its Friday and that's what I usually do but they couldn't tonight so I'm stuck at home just waiting for the guilt to come...
5 finally rolled round and sure enough my parents arrived walking straight in the door past me as they place grocery bags on the bench and start to unload until dad finally looks up at me once and a puzzled expression places upon his face when he sees me standing there "your home..aren't you usually at the pizza place with your mates?" He questions "they..um..uh couldn't tonight..so..um I'm here." I say nervously swallowing as I wipe my sweaty palms on my tight jeans and loose white singlet with some brand printed on it..he looks at me sideways as I look away quickly from his gaze "we've got trouble." He says quickly eyeing me up as he talks to mum I shake my head and deny any bad behaviour they smirk as mum comes over an eye brow raised and inspects me as I blush madly looking away from her gaze ever since I was little she used this technique on me and every time it works causing me to spill everything then she will say" NIALL JAMES HORAN I SUGGEST YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU HAVE DONE RIGHT NOW OR YOU SHALL BE IN BIG TROUBLE!" She says in a booming tone but with a slight humour to it..yet somehow this got to me every time I sighed at the use of my name and replied shyly "remember how the dog..
And as I begin my story they sigh shaking their heads...
*flashback ends*
***
This is just one of the many countless examples were I tried to hide something but spilt living with the guilt my parents eventually learnt over time but I think the worst feeling is knowing that their disappointed in you for keeping it instead of telling them straight away and that's what I'm gunna hate when Tilly says that but I can't do this to Harry he's one of my best mates and we're always there for each other when we screw up and Harry is constantly but he's learning same with Zayn and Louis and even me..but the good thing about us boys is we have a pack through thick and thin but does Tilly break this pack because it's important for her to know but then again it's not really my info to give considering I don't know the whole story. I need to talk to one of them and find out and explain the situation of how I know so there's no mix ups..there's probably a logical explanation why...it's because he was practising mouth to mouth..I try convince myself with my own explanation but even I don't buy it nor any situation I can think of..yet I excuse myself from the group and go out to find one of them at least...
Mikaela's POV:
I'm be on pissed at this whole situation right now...I know it's not Harry's fault that we both have feelings and that he kinda..cheated on Tilly. The fact of it hits me harder each time I think about it..this was my fault too not just Harry's and this cuts deep into me too..I've caused this if I could stop being my stupid slut self..and think about others for once I'm so selfish..my friends do everything for me and all I can do back is take what they have..I'm a bitch..people should hate me..I mean I hate me..I can't deal with this now..I run faster and faster into the forest. Tears streaming down my face,blurring my eyes as my heart thumps loudly and all I can hear is my raspy breathing..as my head repeats images of my wrong and bad doing...
*flashback*
"You're nothing but trouble you know." His voice echoes through my mind as I get pushed back into the wall as it takes another blow on me,my mind blurrs as I black out slightly..only to be waken up by someone clinging my shirt and shaking me..I glaze at them glassily still unsure of what's really happening until I get let go off and fall onto the ground..yet another blow hits me and I slowly scuff to move upwards looking at him in the eye finally as I feel the blood trickles down my face.."you mean nothing to me!" He spits after saying it then turns and walks aways on that note as I shake just another horror encounter of hurt that has hit me yet again..as I move to clean the room shaking the thoughts of the person who hurts me and gives me pain..the man I'm meant to trust my..my....father
*Flashback*
I can't even bare to think about it yet say it. I gasp for a needed breath and forgetting I'm still running at a fast speed forgetting where I'm going..that's when it happens..I tumble and fall down a large hill spinning and whirling quickly in a blur of forest..as I keep falling and air quickly flys around me and for a split second I feel free then snap back in the reality of falling and tumbling..then I hit something sharp ad pain rushes through my body as my mind blurs and I can't see any longer and I go into a state of darkness and my thoughts disappear and I'm left in silence...complete peace and that's when I get taken and fully forget everything...
Authors note:
I kinda lied sorry no fight yet it's coming I promise sorry I hope you like this please comment and like and I hope you like how I'm naming all my chapters after songs :) especially 1D..I will do a great fight round probably next chapter I just felt the need for this more hope it's okay:) also follow me on twitter @arianamazeily for any ideas or anything will listen and take it in.)