letters i'll never give you

ulterior motives

what are they?
how long have you been here,
smoking, drinking after work?
waiting?
just out of curiosity,
what could they become?
what can i do
to make you look at me
the way i look at you?
is it cute, the way i stutter, like you said it was?
the way i stall under pressure all the time?
what kind of cute is this cute?
is it,
"young, nervous teenager" cute,
or, "when can i ask you out" cute?
you couldn't ask me out anyway.
it's wrong, morally.
i dont know your morals,
if you'd date someone who is
half your age.
what cigarettes do you smoke?
are you losing teeth yet?
what size are your shirts?
why is your hair so long?
it curls at the ends, i can see it from your mask.
it is very cute.
your eyes are very cute.
your voice is very distracting and
i feel intimidated by
the way you tower over me,
the way you gently grasped my side because you were leading me somewhere.
do it again.
do you do it to anyone else?
call me babe
and dear
and bianca.
you smell so fucking good
when you come back from your lunch.
i can smell the smoke on your clothes
and want to follow you around like a lost puppy
so it doesn't go away.
it doesnt interfere with my work,
just
everything else.
i wish
i was just
a little older.