i do things wrong a lot,
but i don't really think i have issues
with listening.
i think my issues are rooted in needing explicit detail and step by step instruction,
but i'm surrounded by people who
don't have the time or patience
to deliver that.
therefore,
i am forced to struggle with things
that other people believe to be
common sense.
this is one of the reasons
that i suspect
that i have undiagnosed autism
or ADHD.
i'll have to wait until
i'm on my own
to get tested for that,
because no one believes that
i have a mental issue
or disability.
the are under the impression
that my mistakes are by choice.
they believe that
i fuck up
because i want to,
as if i get some sick joy out of it.
but i don't get joy out of
being screeched at,
or being called names
that vividly show
just how little
people understand my issues.
no one understands,
and i know that is said a lot
about many different subjects,
but i feel that in this instance
those are the only words i can use.
no one understands
that there is something wrong
inside of me.
i've made a list
of my symptoms.
my anxiety,
and my tics.
my constant self-stimulation,
mainly using my hands and mouth.
my struggles with holding eye contact,
my sensitivity to physical touch,
aggression, hyperactivity, short attention span.
compulsive and impulsive behaviors,
fidgeting,
absent-mindedness,
anger/excitement/depression/oral fixation.
shitty memory.
sure, everyone experiences some of these
throughout their lives,
but this is clearly not normal.
that isn't even every symptom.
there is something WRONG here.
but it's easier to chalk it up to
me acting this way
because i want to,
instead of facing the truth
which is that
i can't help it.
YOU ARE READING
letters i'll never give you
Şiirhere lie the letters i am too cowardly to deliver to the proper recipient. you may read them instead. also includes dreams, notes, and random blurbs.
