Chapter 3
My eager face first startled me today. That, I assumed, would be my only issue. Regarding that. My naked body is now widely disseminated, whether through video or photographs. I wanted to cry in shame, but I couldn't do it even if I tried! I watched the video and looked at the photos, and even though the lighting was dim, I could clearly see our faces and bodies. Now, everyone knows I am sleeping with the richest CEO in town.
Damn CEO.
Wow? Is there no more serious problem to be given to me?
Since then I have also been receiving various messages from horny men !.
"Miss, are you free tonight?"
"Hi! I see you are very good at bed."
"Wanna go out with me?"
I took a deep breath. Men cannot live without physical lust. Don't they despise themselves? I snapped. As if I am not despising myself right now. I am not in the position to talk big, I know. Sa mga ganitong lungkot, isang tao agad ang pumapasok sa isip ko. My Mother. I missed her so much. Hindi pa kami nagkikita simula nang mangyari ang pagkalat ng mga litrato ko.
Gustong-gusto ko na siyang makita kaya naman kahit nagdadalawang isip ako na pumunta sa bahay dahil sa Papa ko, ay nag lakas loob pa rin ako. I was well aware of his fearful appraisal of me.
Pumasok ako sa sasakyan at inandar na ito. Alam kong kahit anong mangyari sa akin, alam kong kahit anong gawin ko, alam kong kahit ano ang maging desisyon ko ay walang sawa ako na susuportahan at tatanggapin ng aking Ina. Ngunit kahit na ganoon, hindi ko pa rin magawang alisin ang hiyang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Alam kong masasaktan ko siya nang sobra. Alam kong alam niya na rin ang nangyari.
Hindi pa ako nakaka katok ng bahay nang marinig ko na ang sigawan at isang iyak mula sa pamilyar na boses. I immediately ran the small distance and slammed the door open. Ang aking Ina na umiiyak na nakaupo sa sahig at may latay ng sampal sa mukha ang unang bumungad sa akin. Lumipat agad ang tingin ng dalawa sa akin. I ran to my crying Mother and hugged her tight, randam ko ang panginginig niya.
"Anak, b-bakit ka pa umuwi?" Nag-aalala at umiiyak na tanong ng aking Ina sa akin.
A strong hand yanked at my hair before I could say anything. It simply quickly pulled me away from my Mother and threw me somewhere else. Takot akong tumingala sa kanya.
"Ikaw na malandi ka!" Nanlilisik na matang sigaw niya sa akin.
"Ang lakas ng loob mong magpakita pa sa akin sa kabila ng kahihiyang binigay mo sa pamilyang ito?!" Isa pang sampal ang natanggap ko.
"Lumayas ka rito!" Isa pang sampal ang natanggap ko bago niya ako sinabunutan palabas ng bahay.
I could do nothing but cry as I ran to my car. I sped up the run because I didn't want to hear what my neighbors were saying about me. Ayaw ko mang iwanan ang aking Ina ay tumakbo pa rin ako.
Pinunasan ko ang mga luha ko at inaayos ang buhok at damit sa loob ng sasakyan ko. Kinalma ang sarili bago pinaandar ang sasakyan. I don't feel sorry for myself now because I feel more sorry for my Mother. I am sure he shares all of my father's anger. I felt my Mother's fear earlier when I showed up at home, dahil alam niya na ang sasapitin ko mula sa aking Ama. Alam niyang masasaktan ako.
I cried when I arrived at my place of lodging. I don't have the strength to eat, I don't have the strength to bathe, I don't have the strength to do anything. I was just lying on my bed crying like a baby. Pero dahil nasimulan ko na ito, alam kong dapat ko nang tapusin para matapos na rin ang problema ko.
Ilang sandali pa akong tumulala hanggang sa naisipan ko nang maligo. Inside the cr I still can't help but be stunned. My thirty minutes shower before has now become two hours. Pumunta ako ng kusina upang magtimpla ng kape. Kakailanganin ko ito para hindi ako antukin sa paggawa ng lesson plans.
I opened my laptop when I returned to the room. Grasp a sip of coffee and begin typing the lessons. Kahit papaano ay nagtatumpay akong hindi pansinin ang mga problema ko. Laking pasasalamat ko iyon dahil nakalahati ko na ang ginagawa ko. Ayoko man, ngunit kailangan ko itong madaliin. Dahil alam ko na once na kinain na naman ako ng lungkot ay hindi ko na ito matatapos.
I was finally finished after five hours of typing. Naka tatlong timpla ng kape rin ako habang ginagawa ito. Huminga ako nang malalim at humiga na ulit sa kama upang ipahinga ang nananakit na likod ko. Ngunit hindi pa man ako nakakapag pahinga nang matagl ay isang mensahe na ang natanggap ko.
An email from Zey.
Hey! Maniwala ka man o hindi, I know and I understand that what you are going through right now is too much for you. I just wanted to say that even if you did this to me, I can't be angry with you because we got along and loved each other in some way. What happened was painful for both of us, but we had no choice but to put an end to our relationship. I wish you a speedy recovery from your ordeal. Until we meet again, I love you.
I smiled. I love you too.
Siguro nga ay literal na ubos na talaga ang luha ko kaya wala na ang mga luhang dumadaloy sa pisngi ko. Hindi ko na kayang umiyak kaya napangiti na lang ako. I read his letter several times before realizing I had dozed off. I was hungry when I awoke. Nine thirty na pala ng gabi kaya nagugutom ako.
Wala pa akong masyadong lakas para makapag luto ng matitinong ulam kaya nag instant noodles na lang ako. Nanood na lang ako ng mga movie habang kumakain. I deactivated all my accounts except my Email. Takot akong bumalik at baka kung anong litrato kong hubad ang makikita ko na naman.
I was so tired that I nodded off right away. I prayed to God for an end to my suffering.
