Paradise

Chapter Seven

Mrs. Fielding's friend, Ms. Marjorie Albert, was one of those women who looked ageless, like the ones in makeup advertisements. She was tall with slender curves that were accentuated by a navy dress-suit. Her pale blond hair was pulled back into a sleek ponytail. Round, dark-framed glasses brought depth to her face, and attention to her stone-gray eyes. It was hard to imagine that she had only written and composed a song, when she looked like someone more significant, like a professor or a doctor.

I found Ms. Albert's expression hard to read as the first student attempted the solo. This made me nervous. It was her song, after all, so I was sure she would be picky.

Then I heard giggling beside me, and although I knew it was a bad idea, I looked over and saw Kendall and Robert talking like they were the only people in the room. They were sitting so close that their legs touched. Kendall had her hand on his knee, and Robert was gazing into her eyes.

I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach. He had never once looked at me like that. He was truly invested in Kendall, truly interested in what she had to say.

I forced myself to turn away, hating myself for thinking like that. Robert was Kendall's boyfriend now. He would never be interested in me. I had nothing to offer him. Why couldn't I just accept that and move on? Why couldn't I just be happy for her?

Mrs. Fielding called Samantha up front, and her friends cheered for her as she took a swig of water like she was a professional singer. I wanted to yell, "You're just auditioning. You're not putting on a concert," but I felt it would have been in bad taste to make fun of someone else auditioning when I hadn't taken my turn yet.

Mrs. Fielding played the interlude and Samantha sang the solo. Her tone was very pretty. She was perfectly on pitch, and everyone cheered for her. I looked at Ms. Albert, but her expression was indifferent.

My anxiety increased dramatically. I swallowed hard, but it felt like there was a blockage in my throat. If Samantha's performance wasn't good enough than what was she looking for?

It certainly wasn't me.

I wondered if I should just drop out of auditioning? Then I told myself, "no". I had come to do this, and I was going to go through with it ... even if my heart burst from all the adrenaline pumping through it.

I took a deep breath.

Then Mrs. Fielding called Kendall up front, and I sighed in relief.

Kendall took a place right in front of Mrs. Fielding's keyboard, turned around, and threw Robert a big grin that lit up her entire face.

"Ready?" Mrs. Fielding asked, and Kendall nodded exuberantly.

The music started and Kendall sang the notes effortlessly. Despite being on pitch, her voice was so thin it sounded a bit airy in places. Out of curiosity, I glanced over at Robert who had this look of amazement in his eyes that made me want to cry in self-pity.

"Very good," Mrs. Fielding told Kendall, and Kendall beamed.

When Kendall took her seat, Robert turned to her with a grin that crinkled the corners of his eyes. "That was beautiful," he said.

"Aww!" Kendall exclaimed. "Thank you. That's so sweet!"

I wanted to jam my fingers so deeply into my ears that it left me deaf. But if I had done that then I wouldn't have heard Mrs. Fielding call my name.

My heart jumped so high it nearly got lodged in my throat.

"Whew!" Kendall cheered. "Go, girl!"

Soft cheers scattered across the room as I walked to Mrs. Fielding's keyboard. My heart thudded painfully in my chest, threatening to break through my ribcage.

I must have looked distressed, because when Mrs. Fielding saw me, instead of beginning to play, she removed her hands from the keys, and gave me a crooked smile. "Calm down, Penny. I know you can sing this," she said, and the warmth of her tone caused my heart-rate to lower enough for me to catch my breath. "Ready?" she asked.

I moistened my lips, and drew in another breath. "Ready," I replied.

Light notes scattered over deeper ones. I opened my mouth to begin, but only air escaped my throat. My face felt like it was on fire, but, thankfully, nobody laughed.

Mrs. Fielding stopped playing.

"Sorry," I quickly muttered, swiping a strand of hair out of my face.

"Ready?" Mrs. Fielding asked again.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and drew in another breath, trying to distance myself from my peers. I nodded softly, and the music started again.

One second.

Four seconds.

Eight seconds.

Ten.

I opened my mouth, and the words emerged on a single stream of breath: flawless. "Open wide broken heart ... heal each and every part"

I didn't let my amazement deter my singing. I pushed it away, letting my voice open up, becoming louder, bolder. "Help me to be free."

There was a slight tingling in my throat. A dizzying sensation accompanied it, and for a moment, I was afraid I would faint again.

"Sweet melody be my guide. Lead me to the other side."

Usually I had trouble transitioning from low to high, but this time was different. My voice shifted so easily to my higher register, that my eyes snapped open. The timber of my voice was rich, dark, and unusually mature. It emptied out of me effortlessly, sprinkled with resonating vibrato.

"In my heart I'm free."

A strange sensation swept through me, and my last note burst from my lips like a mighty gust of wind. The sound was startlingly high and loud ... harmonizing in time with a gigantic shattering sound.

The lights went out, and several girls screamed.

Because the classroom was completely windowless, it was like standing in a cave. I blinked the darkness in as the music came to a disorderly halt.

"There's glass all over me!" A girl cried.

Behind me, I heard Mrs. Fielding stand up. "Everybody remain in your seats. I don't want anyone getting hurt--" Her voice trailed off.

"Hey, can somebody open the door?" I recognized the voice to be Andrea Miller's.

"Okay," Mrs. Fielding agreed. "Penny, you're the closest. Can you make your way to the door?"

"I'll try," I said, using the side of the keyboard to steady myself as I turned to my left.

Behind me, I heard Mrs. Fielding's retreating footsteps as she made her way to the phone across the room. "Hello," she said, once she had managed to call the office, "Yeah, we seemed to have had a problem with the lights in here. They're all busted.... No, no. It just happened. Yeah, I know." She suddenly laughed. "Yeah, it is weird. I know. Oh, okay. Thanks." She hung up the receiver just as I found the door.

I opened it, and light poured in, creating a golden rectangle that penetrated the shadows. When I turned back toward the class I found Kendall staring at me strangely.

"Wow," she blurted once I got to my seat and sat down, "I had no idea you could sing like that!"

I fidgeted, feeling uncomfortable by her outburst. "Thanks," I muttered.

I looked over Kendall's shoulder-- trying to avoid her scrutinizing eyes-- and found Robert staring at me. There was a puzzled look on his face, but it wasn't necessarily a bad expression. He looked confused, but he also looked fascinated.

I quickly dropped my eyes. My heart felt like it might burst.

I couldn't believe it had finally happened. The feeling I had in that moment surpassed all of my confusion about my singing, the bursting light-bulbs, Yvette's hands, and even the bees.

Yes, the only thing that mattered was that Robert was looking at me ... that he had finally noticed me ... that my fantasy had come true.

For the first time in years, I felt my heart swell with pride.

Nothing could feel better than this.