Mistaken Consequences

Chapter 4: Eight weeks

Vera shifted the shoulder of the oversized gown for what had to be at least the third time as she waited for the doctor to return for the ultrasound. She'd gotten the earliest appointment available, but it had still required taking the entire morning off and left her antsy. She knew nobody would ask where she'd been and even if they did, a simple 'doctor's appointment' would be enough of a response but she still had to resist the urge to press the doctor to hurry it along.

She suspected the anxiety was more because this was her first time going to one of these appointments alone. As a teenager, she'd always had somebody with her, her mom, even with her quiet disapproval, and sometimes even her boyfriend and childhood best friends. In the end, her boyfriend had bailed months before her daughter had been born, too young and immature to cope with impending fatherhood, but she'd never felt alone in her pregnancy. She'd been naïve, of course. Her mom had made it abundantly clear that if she was going to keep the baby, the brunt of responsibility was on her and her friends, as much as they'd talked up their role as 'aunts' during her pregnancy, had quickly lost interest in hanging out when they realized her life had shifted to revolve around the needs of a squalling infant.

The perceived support during her first pregnancy had been false, of course, but it had seen her through what she had, at the time, considered one of the hardest times in her life. She allowed her hand to fall to her belly as she waited.

It's just me and you this time.

At least this time, there'd be no one to disappoint her after the fact.

Vera clenched her fist into the material of her gown as the image appeared on the screen, a mix of grainy shades of grey, and she blinked rapidly against her suddenly burning eyes.

"Alright, let's see what we have here," the doctor said slowly as she brought the image into focus. A steady whooshing sounded from the speakers and she turned to smile at Vera as she pointed to a little spot on the screen. "So here's the baby. And baby's heart. Looks nice and strong."

Vera blew out slowly as she finally relaxed against the table, her gaze never leaving the screen.

Vera mentally pulled herself together as she strode into the Temple. The morning's ultrasound had rattled her more than she'd expected. Not necessarily in a bad way, but she struggled to focus. She was having a baby. Even just the memory of seeing her child on the screen, hearing the rapid flutter of her baby's heartbeat, caused the corners of her lips to twitch. And the last thing she wanted to do prior to meeting with the Knights, was allow herself to get distracted.

She flicked open the door to the Reliquary, ignoring the handful of disciples she passed along the way and then dropped her bag onto her desk. Almost instantly, the overstuffed bag tipped over, allowing the sonogram print she'd tucked inside to slip out into view. Vera hurried slid the picture back in, careful to keep it sandwiched between two folders so it wouldn't be crumpled, and then moved her bag to her chair instead, where she could keep it propped upright.

Vera was searching the bookshelves for a specific tracking spell when the first set of footsteps approached the room and paused.

"Magus?" Hamish's rich voice called out.

Vera waved a hand and the door swung open.

"You're early," she commented without looking back.

"I got out of class early. The others should be on their way soon."

"Mmm," she hummed dismissively. "Well, take a seat while you wait." She liked making Hamish sit while she went about her business. It made him squirm, uncomfortable with their dynamic, and when people were uncomfortable, it made them easier to manipulate. Sadly, the other Knights did not have the same quirk as their leader and were harder to shift off balance, but she would take what she could get.

"You weren't on campus this morning."

Vera scowled as she looked over her shoulder, finding him still hovering by the door. "I was not," she acknowledged. Until she found a way to bridge the gap between the Knights and the Order, she would never be fully comfortable with the level of attention that the Knights paid the members of the Order. It felt too much like a predator stalking its prey. She knew now that the Knights had always been keeping tabs on known members, from times well before the Order had even been aware of the potential danger. Every reminder that the Knights watched, that they still watched, unsettled her. She had the Knights trapped for now, but an enemy that knew her every move would be a difficult one to beat.

She tossed one of the smaller books onto the desk. It skid for a moment, halting near the lower corner before it fell to the floor. "Flip through that one. I'm beginning to think your hide lockers may be the best way to track these thieves. If we can find a way to strengthen the connection between you and your hide's locker, maybe we can use that to force a tracking spell." The book of mirror incantations was an unlikely bet for what she was considering, but it would keep him occupied until his friends arrived.

Vera stepped back from the bookshelf, her arm loaded with books...which promptly dropped to the floor when she turned around. Hamish was standing beside her desk, the book she'd given him still lying where it had landed. He was holding her picture in his hand, the bag it had been in lying on its side on her chair. There was a slew of emotions playing across his face, but mostly he just looked nauseated.

Vera clenched her jaw as she stormed over to him. She'd already given him his out. There wasn't anything more she could do to make him feel better about his mistake in sleeping with her. Her baby existed and if he wanted to forget about that, he could simply not go through her things.

She snatched the picture from his hand before he even realized she was there. "Yes, that's your baby," she sarcastically snapped. "You could at least try not to look like someone just killed your puppy." She glanced down at the image, smoothing the slightly bent corner. Her temper abruptly eased as she looked at her child. "It's just a baby," she murmured sadly. She slipped the picture back into her bag and then gathered her things. "Get out. I'm not feeling very well. We'll do this another day. Tell the others they're off the hook for tonight."

She managed to make it into her driveway before she let herself cry, throwing the car into park and crumpling against the steering wheel. How had she gotten herself into this? She could accept that he had never wanted her. She could even accept that he didn't want to be a father. But how was she supposed to deal with it if that was how he was going to look at her once she started growing bigger with his child? Even Nathan had never looked at their daughter that way. He'd been a kid, too young and scared to cope, but he'd never looked disgusted by it.

When her sobbing had calmed into light sniffling, she reached across the car to grab her bag from the seat and pulled out the picture that had caused this whole disastrous realization. Vera carefully ran her thumb across the grainy little form. It didn't look much like a baby yet - she couldn't begin to imagine Hamish's expression if it had – but she knew it would in time.

"It's just me and you, beautiful," she murmured, dropping one hand to rest over her stomach. She looked down. "And me and you are going to go finish off the rest of the ice cream and find something happy to watch tonight. And no more stupid werewolves to stress us tonight."