Mistaken Consequences

Chapter 23: Lilith

Lilith stumbled back to the Den, mentally exhausted. After missing both the Fall and Spring semesters, she'd been pushing herself hard over the summer session. Vera had, surprisingly, sat down with her the first week she'd been back and helped her draft a plan for which summer courses would be the best options to help her get back on track and she'd used her final weeks as Chancellor to make sure Lilith got into those classes.

Looking back, Vera had probably done it because she knew it would leave Lilith studying every minute of every day. Lilith wanted to grumble at that underhanded move but then, she had asked for it. At the moment though, she wanted nothing more than to pass out for a couple hours.

Inside, the Den reeked of alcohol and she groaned. She was the only one taking summer classes this year, even Hamish had opted not to sign on as Krowchuk's summer TA, which meant she was the only one that cared about things like sleeping, and studying, and being quiet.

...except the Den was quiet.

Well, mostly.

Lilith wandered into the living room, wondering if she was going to find them all passed out again. If they were, they must have started as soon as she'd left this morning.

She only found Hamish. He was sitting on the floor, on the very edge of the oversized bean bag. There was an open bottle beside him, but most of the liquid had already run out onto the floor. He didn't seem to notice. His focus was on the stack of children's books at his feet. A matching green toy lizard was tucked loosely in the crook of his arm.

Hamish picked up another book from the stack and gripped it between unsteady hands. Lilith watched as he tried to rip it in half but failed. It seemed Tundra would be of no help in his inebriated state. Not giving up, Hamish simply opened the book and began ripping pages from it one at a time, letting the torn pieces float down to join the already large pile around him.

Lilith cautiously approached and set her hands on the thin book, gently pulling it from his grasp. Hamish looked up and snarled, but with his red rimmed blue eyes and tear-streaked face, he didn't look very threatening.

"Give it back," he growled, his words slurring less than she'd expected. "It's mine."

"Your baby's going to want these, Hamish," Lilith said softly.

It was obvious now. It had always been obvious, but Lilith had let herself be convinced otherwise. Hamish was going to be a father.

Slowly, he released his grip as a new wave of tears began trickling down his cheeks.

"What happened, Hamish?" It was a question she'd asked once before, and one she suspected she'd only received a half-truth in response.

"I chose to hurt her," Hamish slurred, his expression haunted by what he'd done. "I could have said no. I could have stayed there. I could have kept kissing her. I could have kept her in my arms and forgotten about the whole heist. But I left her, so that I could go and take everything from her." He looked down at the books still at his feet and let out a small, broken laugh. "I was an idiot to think she could ever forgive me."

"Have you tried talking to her?"

Hamish reached for the mostly empty bottle beside him and finished it in a few swigs. He looked at the bottle with somewhat unfocused eyes before letting it fall to the floor, a crack forming along one side but thankfully not shattering, and pushed himself up onto unsteady feet.

"Hamish," Lilith called.

He kept making his way over to the bar, where he grabbed the first bottle he set his hand on and stumbled back to the bean bag, collapsing onto it in an awkward heap.