Ember || B.E

3|| do you have a crush?

TW: Mentions of suicide. I'll put a '⚠️' at the beginning and end of it.

~~~

A knock on my bedroom door causes me to look up from my laptop, "come in," I answer. The door opens slowly, revealing Elodie. Her hair is damp and she's in pyjamas. Her movements are cautious as she walks into my room with a box in her hands.

"Hey," I smile softly. She looks scared of me. I did this...I made my sweet innocent sister afraid of me because of the hatred I have for my parents. God, I hate myself.

"Hi, um...I was wondering if you could teach me how to make a friendship bracelet?" She asks in almost a whisper.

"I don't have string," I reply, closing my laptop.

"Mom ordered me this kit," she holds up the box in her hands displaying a large selection of colourful string, "It has lots of string."

I look down at my phone seeing it's 8 pm. "Yeah, sure I could teach you a simple one," I nod. I watch her as she hides a small smile on her lips, walking towards my bed. I readjust my position to make room for her as she sits across from me on my bed. "Pick three colours," I instruct her. She picks light pink, pale blue and yellow. I decide on red, black, and white before reaching into my nightstand, grabbing some tape.

"What's the tape for?" She questions.

"It's easier if we have it taped to something so here," I place my laptop in between us, "Let's tape them onto the top of my laptop."

"Okay, so the first thing you're going to do is take your first colour and make a backwards four, like this," I show her what I'm doing, repeating the action and it doesn't take long for her to get the hang of it.

⚠️
Depression doesn't mean there are never good moments. Of course, some moments are good but the dark cloud will still always hang over my head even if there's a smile on my face. But the real, genuine happy moments are rare. A real smile is rare.

Poor Elodie had to walk into a hospital to see her older sister in a hospital bed at the age of 9. I still hate that she had to see me like that. Although, I don't think she truly understood what was going on and we've never talked about it since. I don't want to bring it up, I'd hate to bring back memories that might trigger her, or me. I just remember having an IV in my arm, I didn't want anyone to see me. When Elodie walked in, she looked scared, mortified even, but she didn't cry. She just clung to my mother's arm, not saying a word. I didn't want to speak, hell, I didn't even want to be there. I didn't want to be awake, I didn't want to be on this earth.

My parents didn't understand. They told me "you're so selfish to think this would mean anything, stop with this bullshit and get your life together." I couldn't believe it, and their words didn't help with the recovery process at all. I'm not as suicidal as I was back then, but the thought always lingers.

⚠️

"Ugh, I messed up," Elodie groaned and I looked over to see all her strings knotted up.

"Here, I got this," I told her, reaching over to undo the knot.

"Thanks," she smiled softly.

"It's looking great! You're a natural, soon you'll be learning the really hard bracelets that even I can't make."

"I don't think so," she shook her head with a shy smile.

"I do," I nodded, my phone binging beside me. I picked it up, seeing it was a text from Drew.

Drew: how's your day going love?

"Do you have a crush?" Elodie asked randomly.

"No, why?" I glanced up at her from my phone.

"Because you're smirking at your phone," she shrugged, continuing to create her bracelet.

"Oh, well I don't," I mumbled, starting to type out a response.

Ember: It's okay. Just making friendship bracelets with my sister

Drew: you have a sister?

Ember: Yeah, she's 11

Drew: do you have any other siblings?

Ember: No, just my little sister Elodie. Do you have siblings?

Drew: yeah, a brother. he's older though. he drives me bonkers sometimes but he's also my best friend

Ember: Must be nice

Drew: do you and Elodie not get along?

Looking up from my phone, a pure and innocent girl in front of me. If I tried harder I could be the older sister I always wanted. What if mom and dad were to turn on her someday? I'd want her to know I'm always there for her even if I don't seem like I am. I need to stop being angry at her for what my parents did. It's just hard.

Ember: It's complicated

Drew: how?

"Em, I think I'm finished," Elodie said proudly, holding up her bracelet.

"It's perfect," I smiled softly, "Want me to show you how to tie it off?"

"Yeah!"

~~~

Billie's POV

~~~

Maybe I'm crazy, but every bone in my body is shouting at me to get to know her, learn who she truly is aside from her books. If I can just keep her talking to me, maybe she won't do what I'm afraid she'll do. Maybe, one day, eventually, I can tell her who I really am. I want her to be safe, I want to show her she's worthy of everything. I don't care what people think or say, I will get to know her. I will keep her safe.

It's been twenty minutes and she hasn't replied to my last text, the ridiculous side of me is starting to worry while the other side of me thinks maybe she's just busy helping her sister with the bracelet. I wonder what's so complicated about their friendship? I want to know everything and it's starting to drive me wild.

What does she look like? I already know she's beautiful, I just want to see what type of body holds such a soulful person. Does she have long or short hair? Is her nose big or small? What colour are her eyes? When I think about her, she's this mix of purples and blues. Like a field of lilacs next to the ocean. I want to put a face to who she is.

~~~

Words: 1081