If secrets could Kill

Chapter 18 : Erase me

* SO one of my best friends who has been reading this yelled at me the other day for not posting and said the story is getting boring, and i agree so in order to add a new twist im adding this filler chapter. Sorry if its boring snooks itll get more interesting <3...so this chapter may seem a little random but its really not. Its about everything going through Myas mind when she leaves school.*

I had been out of the dorms for a couple weeks, aside from all the dr.s appointments all i basically did was think. I thought about my friends and how i missed them. I thought about all the events that had taken place with the boys next door. all the drama with conner and kyle. all the trouble antonio caused me. And everything that had happened with brandon. What was i left with? I was left wondering why I constintly subject Myself to the scrutiny of men? we all want to look our best right...but for who? too often I find myselfs wanting to look impressive for the men in my life rather than for number one...ME! SO why don't I do it for me, because whenever I do i'm instintly labled, as sluty. Personality no longer matters. When we feel good about ourselfs and look are best men feel as though we want and welcome these "complements" with open-arms. Today i was watching a movie in which three women found them selfs going to extremes to ward off these advances. women who would rather make themselves less attractive than enjoy and embrace their beauty. This is when it hit me. I as well as some of my friends have expeirenced this "reverse cinderella" syndrome. When we stop fantizing about looking our best and finding mister right but instead try looking significantly worse to ward off mister right now. I had to many right nows in my life. I know it was part my fault I had a friendly, flirty personality. It was all a game to me. Even haven left the dorms, I know i'm still in the game. I will always play the game.

**

I was about to leave for work when my phone went off. I didn't even bother answer, seems like the same people were always callen, and they all wanted the samething. I had moved on tho. I was still playing the game. But the game had changed. I was no longer hanging out with my friends, I was always with the people at work who didn't know me. I was suddenly leading three different lives. I knew if any of them overlapped i was fucked. Their was the Mya that everyone from school knew. Amalia that everyone at work knew. Then their was the old mya from before all that who was sneeking out to get high an drunk of her ass. The mya landing wereever she was and not knowing shit in the morning. I was starting to need that mya more and more to get away, but soon everything would change yet again.

**hey guys i know its short and a llil confusing i was a little out of it when i wrote it but the rest of the story will clear it up. Plus i started a new story 'Summer Brown and the 7 Deadly sins' check it out**