We fought the battle,
We tried our best,
We gave our hardest,
Yet failed the test.
A team of three,
Worked their best,
They spent a restless week,
To practice and to train.
Yet it was only I who knew,
Our efforts were in vain,
Because no matter how hard we tried,
We went home our hearts in pain.
No wins.
Not one, not at all.
I fear to see the shame,
Bestowed upon us all.
Thus, I will keep quiet,
Protecting my teammates,
I can't bear to see their heartaches,
This is but a secret I will keep.
A secret to keep,
Knowing what both of them don't.
I've seen the pressure and distress,
I don't want to see anymore
A secret to keep,
Clawing the insides of my mind,
Whispering on my worthlessness,
Its too loud Inside.
It hurts.
It hurts.
I want to cry,
Please let me cry.
Am I not good enough?
Are we not good enough?
Where had our confidence go?
Was everything we'd done all for nothing?
A secret to keep,
A secret I have to keep,
Neither of them must know,
Not one a peep.
Not know, at least,
When their hearts are fresh with dismay,
They'll find out when the time comes,
Right now, I must claw my way in darkness alone.
A/N:
This is more of a vent poem, I don't really know...
On March 12, 2022 I part of one of the Teams from my school and club who participated in the Southern Luzon Inter High School Debate Encounter, or SLIDE UP for short.
You may know from the things I write in the account -aerinicolettepark that I'm looking forward and busy training for this competition.
Well, believe it or not, no matter how much we improved in our speeches, our team dynamics and stuff, out team still lost all four rounds. The only team from our institution without a win.
At least one.
And I don't want my teammates to know this.
Especially our whip who ended up the most stressed one after everything that happened during the competition.
I saw him curl up into a ball after finishing his speech, muttering how much he was desperate to win... If the heavens above could give us at least one win... It will be enough for him to feel fulfilled.
I watched all the stress and pressure pave its way in his mind and I didn't have any idea what I should do.
We were having fun... Teasing in between the rounds, making bets... Sharing food and drinks... To see him, be deprived of his usual easy-going and supportive self, scared me a lot.
And I don't know how to deal with emotions, so... I just... Put a post it note inside his notebook saying that no matter the result... I'm proud of him.
I don't have the heart to tell him, or our other teammate that out efforts were in vain.
Thank you for supporting me in our endeavor, those who watched us on discord.
I'm really grateful for the efforts of our seniors, helping us improve.
I don't think I can face any one of them right now.
Finding out the hard way hurts too much.
- Vani
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ᴘᴀʜɪᴍᴀᴋᴀs // ᴘᴏᴇᴛʀʏ
Poesía"Excerpts from the darkest depths of my mind" Pahimakas [Tagalog] (n.) last farewell / huling paalam original poems written by vanixllarchives as a way of coping and to at least let out bottled up feelings. written in: tagalog/english © vanixl...
