Sincerely, Vantae

THE PICTURE

I had a feeling in my chest when I woke up this morning that I was going to regret this goodbye for the rest of my life. I didn’t try to stop it, though. Didn’t attempt to question or wonder why this unfamiliar feeling had suddenly appeared. I just went through the motions.

I got dressed early, drove to the airport to meet Lili, and ignored whatever that unwelcome feeling was.

“Are you sure you can’t go with her?” Lili’s mom stood by my side at the terminal. “Just to make sure she gets there safely?”

“Mom…”Lili said. “People fly all the time. I’m pretty sure I’ll be okay.”

I hadn’t told Lili, but her mom had called me every day this week—asking me to do small things that helped lessen her OCD-like worries: I printed information about the type of airliner lili would be flying on, the last known accident on the aircraft. I even managed to look up who the pilot would be and tell her he had a stellar record and hadn’t been in any accidents.

“I need the two of you to take a picture together…” she said. “I need to remember this moment.”

I walked over to Lili and put my arm around her shoulder. We both held our smiles, looking right at her mom as she clicked the button, but nothing happened.

“Ugh!” She slapped her forehead with her palm. “I forgot to buy new batteries for this thing. I’ll be right back. Don’t move.” She stepped away and walked to a gift-shop.

Lili looked up at me and sighed. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Do you think I’m making the right choice?” Her voice cracked. “Is this the right choice?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like…Three weeks ago, I was going to Cleveland for culinary school. But two weeks ago everything changed and I just…I don’t know anymore. Do you think going abroad to this school is what’s best for me?”

“It’s the second highest ranked culinary school in the world, correct?”

She nodded.

“Then I don’t think you need me to tell you it’s the right choice…”

“I’m just wondering if…” Her voice trailed off. “Never mind…My chest feels like it’s going to explode any minute because I’ve had anxiety ever since I woke up this morning…Just so you know, I still expect you to email me whenever you get a chance so I won’t have to use so many international minutes, and you have to write me one letter a month.”

“Via email?”

“No, a real letter like old times.”

“It’s going to take a week or two for it to get to you.”

“I don’t care. I want one. I think it’s going to feel weird enough not talking to you so much.”

“Doubt it. I won’t notice your absence at all.”

She hit my shoulder. “You’ll miss me more than I miss you.”

“Want to bet?”

“Twenty dollars.”

“That’s all I’m worth?”

“That’s all you’re getting.” She laughed and leaned close.

I ran my fingers through her hair, suddenly feeling the need to kiss her lips, to pull her close and give her a kiss she’d never forget in front of everyone around us.

Fuck it… I covered her mouth with mine, claiming every inch of it with my tongue—not letting her go when she pretended like she wanted to. I bit her bottom lip, and smiled as she murmured against my mouth, but when I felt like she needed to take a breath, I finally pulled away.