Nothing But Bad

Twenty Three

Arden
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Christian had told me Will would be back by the time we were done eating. He was wrong.

He had just showed me to his room, leaving before I could make even two steps in.

His room here is even bigger than the one at the school. Less like a prince, more like a king. My eyes finds it's way to the pictures on the walls, like the set up he had at the school.

I move towards them. I stop breathing as I see them. See the one. I reach out and touch it.

It's the picture of the two of us, from the night of his birthday. When I went to his room before. I had the crown on my head, his arm around me. I had a smile on my face. I don't remember the last time I smiled like that. I know I shouldn't look at his, but I did. I never noticed the way he looked at me. Was it real? Fake? I didn't care. That's how a girl should be looked at. I don't know if someone will ever look that way at me again.

"Someone had put it up with the rest of them while moving my things." My fingers drop from the picture. "I forgot it was even there, I would have taken it down." His words sting.

"And the other one?" I whisper. The one he had took of me while I wasn't paying attention. That one was up also, but no longer there. "Where's that one?"

He whispers his next words, so quiet I barely could hear. "In my pocket."

My eyes snap towards him, his were already staring at mine. I had no words to say. What do you say to a confession like that? What did it even mean?

"And your girlfriends ok with that?" My words were bitter, cruel. I knew we were having a moment, if that's what you want to call whatever was happening. But I ruin things.

"I thought you were dead." He sighed. I turn away from him, I felt hurt. It hurt, so much. "I thought you were dead and it hurt so much. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to make it stop."

I wanted to reach out to him. Take away my pain by taking away his. But like I said before, I like to ruin things. I hurt the things that hurt me. "You moved on pretty quick."

He laughs bitterly. "I didn't want to at first."

"Didn't want to move on?" I ask.

"Didn't want to fall out of love with you. Falling out in love with you hurt just as bad as being in love. But loving you, god that was something else. It was like standing out in the rain, Arden. It was good in the moment, it felt amazing the thrill. But I knew it was bad, it wouldn't end up good for me. Standing in the rain gets you sick. I knew I had to let you go. She was how I let you go."

I move to his bed, I had to sit down. My legs were shaking, I needed to sit before I fell. It hurt, and I was so mad it hurt, because I knew it didn't hurt him.

"I understand." I didn't. "Did she?" Why was I asking about her? I didn't want to know. Did I like hurting myself? Was that it?

"She's angry." He sighs, sitting next to me and laying down. "Why do girls have to get angry about everything? It's not my fault I'm being forced into marriage."

I laugh, laying down next to him. I don't know why I let myself do that. That's just what he did to me, I always let my guard down near him. I just saw him there, looking up at the ceiling. He looked like he was just a boy, and it made me feel like just a girl.

I lay still, too afraid to move. "Why is my picture in your pocket?" I whisper.

"I didn't want to forget. I didn't want to forget the reason I turned out this way. What you did to me." His voice was back to sourness.

"I loved you."

"No, you loved to ruin things. You ruined me."
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