Nothing But Bad

Twenty Eight

Arden
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Allison is the one to wake me up this morning. Today is the fifth day since the dinner.

Yesterday I spent the day completely alone. The days before that, completely alone. Will never came back, I wasn't allowed to leave. Like before, I was locked in a cage. Allison came only to bring my food and wine. She was too busy setting up for the party to stay. So I spent my days trying to sleep.

I didn't get a lot to sleep though. I hated being alone. I was once again, lonely. So lonely it was unbearable. I had no friends, no family. Levi won't even look twice at me. Lily just hates me now. Which I don't really mind, since I don't really like her a lot either. Christian is kind to me. But I know in reality, he is Will's friend over mine. Allison was all I had, and I didn't even know if she wanted that. If she had a choice not to serve me, would she?

The room has changed a little. There's been a vanity added for me. I could now see Allison as she did my hair.

They brought in a few essential things for me as well. Nightgowns, more dresses, things fit for a princess. A lady came in a few days ago to take my measurements.

"My lady?" Allison's voice brings me out of my daydream. I meet her eyes through the mirror.

"Yes?" No matter how many times I told her to call me Arden, she never did. Another thing that made me feel lonelier.

"Are you alright?" I can hear the concern in her voice, see it on her face. I give her a soft smile and nod. "Alright," she said smiling. I could tell she didn't believe me. "I'm all done here, do you need me for anything else?" I shake my head. "Breakfast will be here shortly." She says before dismissing herself.

She leaves, I stay sitting in the chair. Staring at nothing but my reflection. I don't know how long I stayed sitting there. The sound of footsteps entering flows into my ears. It must be a servant with my breakfast.

   "Arden." His voice snaps me from my daydreams. I don't have the energy to look at him. "You're lonely." Will whispers.

   "I hate..."

   "When I go in your head, I know." He places a tray of food on a table. "Eat with me." A command. I stand up, brushing my white dress, and sit in the chair in front of him. I don't meet his eyes, I can't.

   I pick up a scone, and put it on my plate. I wasn't hungry, I didn't want to eat. Especially with him. He sighs, grabbing fruits and more pastries to put on my plate.

   "I'm not hungry." I tell him.

   "It's been only a few days, and you're already more pale."

   "It's been fourteen days, and I've been locked away for all of them." I say quietly grabbing a fork and pressing it into a berry.

   He drops the subject, seeing that I'm eating. It's quiet for another few minutes. "Arden," he sighs again. "What can I do to make you stop feeling like this?" I look up and meet his eyes for the first time. Did he care? Seeing the question in my eyes, he goes on. "As much as I try, I can't help not knowing feel how you feel. It's not like with other people's where I can block it out. It consumes me, it makes me just as miserable as you."

   "Is that why you can't stand to be near me?" I snap, "Is how I'm feeling too much for you?"

   "That's not what I was..."

   "Well you made me feel like this." Water starts to form in my eyes. "Once again, you have locked me up and have secluded me. Once again, I am alone." I'm angry or maybe I'm sad. I don't know if my tears are from one of those reasons, or from countless others. "You're supposed to love the person you marry" I yelled. "But you hate me. Is this how it's going to be like, everyday of my life? You're going to be my husband but you spend countless of other nights in another's bed. You're supposed to love your wife. It's supposed to be us against the world..."

   He snaps, "Its you. It's you against the world not us. It could of been us, but you chose you."

   A wipe away the hot tears on my face, putting my head on my hands. "I don't want to marry you."

   "Well you have to." He moves to leave, stopping right before he gets to the door. "You're lonely because you chose to be. You're lonely, because I wasn't enough for you. That's no one's fault but yours." It's quite for a few seconds before he continues. "It's not mine." He laughs sadly. "Months I asked myself what I did. Months I spent thinking it was my fault. My fault that I wasn't enough. Even though I didn't do anything, I just wasn't good enough. Maybe I was so fucked in the head, you couldn't handle it."

"Will..."

  "No," he snapped. "I am good enough." He whispered. "Maybe not for you, but for her. It just took me awhile to figure that out."

   The second he leaves the room, I stand. Going straight for the whiskey he had on his study. I grabbed the bottle, taking multiple swigs. The liquor burnt my throat, tasted terrible, but I needed it.

    I miss Gwen, I needed her. So much more than I thought I would. But it's my fault she's gone. I look down at my hands. Red, that's what I saw. Her blood on them. I sob, running to the bathroom. Running to the bath.

   There's warm water, already in it. Probably was supposed to be for Will. I stick my hands in it, not caring that the sleeves of my dress were now soaked.

   I scrubbed my hands, over and over and over. The blood staying there, not fading away. I scrub my hands. For Gwen, for Carter, for countless of others.

   I scrub them until they're raw. Screaming and crying.

   People rush into the bathroom. Shouting my name as I sobbed. "Arden." I hand touched my shoulder.

   "Don't touch me." I cry flinching away.

   "Will," Christian voice whispers. "What do we do?"

   "I killed them." I cried. "Gwen, Carter. I see their blood on my hands, and I can't get it off."

   "Will." Levi whispers. "We need to tell her."

   "I know." Will says, he reaches for me and I flinch back again. I cry harder, I don't know for how long. I cry so much, I think I pass out from exhaustion.

   The last thing I remember, is feeling warm hands scoop me up and carry me into the bedroom.
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