Nothing But Bad

Sixteen

Arden
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   With the amounts of meals I've gotten, I've counted that I've been here for five days. Right now being the fifth day's night.

Meaning, tomorrow is my death date.

   No one had come to visit me, besides the guard that brings me my food and water. The same one from the first day.

No one had visited me. Not Levi, not Christian, not Lily. Not that I'd even consider us friends anymore, I expected someone to. I don't know why.

I never imagined that I'd die lonely. I'd always thought that there would be at least someone that loved me. I was left alone, shattered. Not loved enough to have anyone here willing to pick up the pieces.

The room lights up, signally someone was opening the door. I sit up from my bed. I had already eaten today's dinner. Had the night already turn into day? Was today the sixth day? Were they about to take me to my death?

My body is still tense, seeing the familiar brown hair and eyes. "William." I greet, standing up not knowing what else to do. He had come alone, this is the first time we've been alone since the months before.

I try not to react, as his body nears mine. "I hate you." His words are slurred, I smell the alcohol coming from his breath. "I hate what you did to me, to us." He said the words with so much truth. "I hate that you betrayed me." He steps closer again, so close I have to look up to meet his eyes as they gazed down at me.

"Will..."

"Don't do that." He groans irritated. "Don't say my name like that."

"Like what?"

"Like you love me." His words are sad. "I hate that even after everything you did, I still mourned you. I hate that I was seconds anyway from jumping in after you that night. And if it wasn't for someone stopping me, I would have. I hate that every second of every day, I hoped that you would just walk in. That you weren't dead, that it was some type of cruel joke. I hate most of all, that you did do exactly that."

Tears stream down my face. He turns away, walking to leave the room. "I'm sorry Will."

He chuckles humorlessly, "I almost believe that."

"If I was given a choice, I would have picked you." The words leave my mouth, barley in a whisper. His back tenses. Was I saying this because I meant it? Or was my head thinking before my heart? Saying these things, hoping they earn me my life.

"If I had a choice, you'd already be dead."

"Would you have still loved me if you knew where this would end?" I ask. Would he live through all the pain, if that meant loving me?

"No."

"I wouldn't change a thing I did." The truth, and he knew that. "I rather die with all the memories I have now, then live a life where I was not alive in the first place."

I wanted to hate him. I wanted to so badly. Why could I? I wanted to scream at myself. I was being stupid, being weak. Don't love him, don't do this go yourself again. It's only going to leave you with a broken heart.

"I tried preparing myself," his voice spoke quietly. "They told me you were here. I didn't know how I would react seeing you. And then I did, I saw you through the mirror. You were staring at it for so long, straight at me. As if you knew I was there the whole time. I wanted you so badly it hurt. I would have done anything in that moment to have you, but I also wanted nothing more than for you to leave."

His words did all kinds of things to me. He didn't just break me, he had shattered me. Right now I didn't know if he was trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together, or just crush them smaller.

"Then what?" I wanted him to tell me what he felt. I wanted him to tell me that he still loves me. Because even though I really wish it wasn't true, I still loved him.

He turns and faces me. His eyes shinning with sadness, hurt. "I realized I'd never forgive you."

"I did love you."

"I don't think I loved you." His words causes the tears to fall down my face.

"I broke you, and you had to bring me down with you." I choked out, "Is that it? Is that the reason you're saying these things to hurt me? Are you that cruel?"

"I don't think I really loved you," he repeats. "I don't think you really loved me either. At least, that's what I tell myself to make it hurt less. I tell myself that we both fell in love with that little taste of freedom. We were the sweetest taste of rebellion to each other. You were done being daddy's good listener, and I was done being the good little prince."

"I had no choice." I wanted to scream. "I thought that..."

"I understand why you did what you did." He says.

"And what about you?" My voice grows louder, "What is your excuse for what you did to me? You say I'm so bad, but you did exactly the same thing to me."

"We both did what we had to do for our people."

"Not only that, you took me. Forced me to stay here, made me play and act like a good little girl. So don't blame me for your world crumbling, when you took and destroyed mine. Don't blame me, because you did this to yourself."

"You're right."

"So I'm going to die, and then what?" I raise my hands, wanting nothing more to feel the power I had before. To let it all out, but I couldn't. "It's going to go back to bad guys vs the good ones?"

I could tell this conversation was causing his earlier buzz to fade. "It's no longer good and bad guys, Arden. We have all killed, we are all bad. We just like to pretend we are good. We try to justify what we do by killing those we think are worse."

"And you're fine with that?" I whisper.

"No."

"You're going to be king some day. I hope you're a better one. I hope you don't add so many bodies to your list, killing a girl is simply just another number."

I see the conflicting battle going on behind his eyes. He didn't agree with killing me, I knew that. But did he try to stop it?

He turns to leave, then abruptly turns back, then to the door again, then to me one last time. He was frustrated, confused. "Why do this Arden? Why say these words that you know are going to affect me? And the worse part?" He laughs bitterly, "Thanks to that stupid bracelet of yours, I know you mean everything you're saying. I feel the truth seeping out of them, like a slap in the face."

"I hate when you go in my head." I whisper.

"God, fuck." He yells. "I know." I stay quiet as he paces around the room. Did I really mean everything I said? Or was I just a better liar than I thought? "This is what I'm going to do." He starts, "I'm leaving the door open, you're leaving thirty minutes after I do. Run, hide, I don't care. Just leave." He says going towards said door.

"Will I..." I wanted to refuse. I wanted to stay here and figure things out.

"Go home Arden." He says walking out the room.

  But I am home.
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