𝐇𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞 [𝐇.𝐒] vol.2

𝟓

I've lost my reality
I've lost everything in me

you act like a god and you're trying to hard but I need it

I was once a believer
now I'm back to believing 

I'm tryna be smart with a stake through the heart but I feel it turning into addiction 

praying in your religion 

religion -isak danielson

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tw// sexual abuse, suicide, depression and anxiety

"how are you feeling today?" 

"Really? Back to the basics again...do you need me to you how old I am" I muttered slightly annoyed.

I didn't look her in the eyes keeping my hands and eyes occupied with the giant dog she allowed me to keep with our session today, he was breathing calmly on my lap as I played with his ear feeling the smoothness of it. I felt that anxiety coil trap around my throat like every time I come to therapy, it didn't matter how much I wanted to share I was hostile, sarcastic and standoffish.

In simple terms...I was scared.

"I see you still have your humor" Christina hummed writting something down on her notepad since I could hear her pen drag along the paper "I thought you'd be in stand up by now...you know with your stupid jokes"

"Think I'm that good, I mean my life is a big joke anyways" 

It was a joke, it was a fairy tail of fantasy that no matter how hard I pinched myself or woke up in a cold sweat was that was real enough for me to lay awake at night and just stare at the wall hoping that someone would just come out of the corner and say this was a dream. And for Harry to show up at night holding me close telling me that everything was just a bad dream that nothing was a lie.

But sadly I just stare at the empty side of the bed were sometimes Jack sleeps in when I scream to much at night, I still hear his little whispers at night lulling me to sleep.

I hated to sleep at night now, maybe this is why I asked to have therapy late at night better cross one thing off the list and deal with my insomniac ass later in the day when I was barely functional.

"Well...I mean you are in your twenties with no job, diploma or full education so I'd assume you'd try to be something you know -other than being a snobby bitch" I looked up for a split second watching her lips curl in a smirk making me laugh shaking my head as I knew she could take a jab at me like that.

One of the reasons I liked her, she treated me like person.

"Do you even have a hobby?" 

I pursed my lips in thought "I was a enthusiast for cocaine if that even counts" 

"No" She shot down immediately "You said Percy called right, did you know you're brother likes painting in his spare time...their beautiful actually" 

I placed my head back down shaking my head touching the dog once again "No I didn't know that..."

I didn't even know he was interested in art actually, or anything related to something like that and it made me feel bad that I didn't feel the need to ask my brother if he had any interests or hobbies. I just discarded everything focusing only on myself...