NCT Preferences and oneshots

No Fear • Jaemin

warning: angst, biker, sad, smoking
unedited

"He rode in the darkest times of night grabbing his cancer in a stick letting the small light go off  as he inhaled then off as he exhales. I knew everything about him. Every small detail.

How he'd smile when he'd see me bringing me into a warm embrace or how he'd smile when I finally let him take me out on his bike. The feeling of the wind going through my hair as I tighten my grip around his waist scared I'd fall off every time.
He was reckless in every aspect but he always kept me safe. My safety was his priority even when I picked a fight that one night-"
I feel a pain of hands comfort me as a tear falls down my cheek. I quickly swipe it away knowing he wouldn't be happy about me crying.

-

"Hey where's that smile I adore?" Jaemin asks as I feel tears bubble up in my eyes threatening to slip

"You're bike... it's my fault... it's ruined." I say picking up the shattered glass that came from the small mirror that came from the busted vehicle he adored more than anything in this world.

"Put that down." Jaemin takes the glass out of my hands and throws it on the ground "The fact that you're not hurt is more important to me. Don't cry over a scrape of metal." He holds me in his arms the warmth comforting me in the bitter air.

He holds me for awhile then puts his hands on my shoulder pushing me back so he can see my face
"Let's get you home. We don't want your parents to worry." His smile more comforting then any stuffed animal or security blanket from my childhood.

I nod. I follow his long strides down the street looking back at the beaten up treasure. How could he just abandon it so easily? I know how much he loved that bike, his father bought him it once he graduated and he rode that thing everywhere. Sure it wasn't the prettiest bike but it was fitting for him. Every dent and scratch only adding character and a sense of mystery.

"It's a motorcycle Y/n. Nothing more. I can always buy another, but you. I cant just buy another y/n." He grabs my hand "The way you acted was so unexpected! I would've never expected you to be so fearless!" A big belly laugh escapes from him recounting how we ended up in this mess.

I smile with him "They were talking bad about you I couldn't just let them say those things about you. I mean they don't even really know you like I do!" I frown again thinking about the jerks who picked a fight with me and eventually punched me and trashed Jaemins bike.

They creeped up on me after I slapped their leader in the face for calling Jaemin utter trash and nothing special. They're were just jealous. I was backed into a corner where they pushed me around and began to tear my clothes to shreads... if Jaemin would've been a second later I'm scared to think what would've happened to me. As soon as he showed up he started throwing punches, now he's not the heroine at all and ended up getting thrown around and beaten to a pulp. But his endgame was to make sure they didn't lay another finger on me and he succeed. They soon left after trashing his one purpose for living.

-

I push the memories out of my mind as I try to continue. I look back down at the paper and back up, my eyes meeting his mothers. I feel my heart break as I watch her smile at me. Not out of pity but out of pure love. She knew how much I loved him and how much he loved me.

"Jaemin was my biggest protector and fan. When we first met he'd always joke around about how I was the little sister of his dreams. He always dreamed of having a little sister and well I couldn't be the sister he wanted but I would always try to be his best friend and even more as we got older. He was such a kind and beautiful person. He didn't have to listen to your problems yet he'd drive over to your house at any hour and be the shoulder you needed to lean on. He was truly an amazing person. I loved him." Tears spilling out of my eyes as I feel myself smile looking at the closed casket. I rest a hand on it and slowly walk away letting the next speaker recount their memories of Jaemin.

He was never supposed to die like this. He was destined to shine even if it was only around his few friends and family. He was a light. A star flashing in the sky. My star.

- time skip to after the service -

I wasn't ready to leave so I sat at his grave and looked at the flowers and small gifts left for him.

"You can go now you know. I'll always have you with me even when you want your alone time." I laugh thinking back to when I'd always bother him with spending more time with me.

He never get angry at me for wanting to see him more he'd simply just pick me up and we'd hangout. Just stupid teenager stuff. He always tried to give me the best high school experience since he never got to have fun like that.

He was two years older then me and never once treated me like a child. He loved that it felt like our souls intertwined, he was my soulmate.

I pick myself up and walk over to the car waiting for me. I open the door and sit down in the passenger seat. I feel a hand touch my thigh a small envelope resting against me.

"The last thing he left for your His mother speaks pulling out of the grave site. 

I bite my lip and slowly open the letter. The tears streaming down my face. I won't bore anyone with the details but one line stuck out to me.

"I didn't kill myself because of you. Don't blame yourself. I left on my own terms and it was your overwhelming love that made me question whether this was even a good idea to begin with. You'll never get mad at me for this simply because that's not you, Y/n. I love you and I always will. Live long and come back to me once you've experienced life to the fullest. I'll be waiting for you my love. Fall in love with someone, have kids like you always wanted to, and keep my mom company when you find the time. Please take care of yourself and don't be dumb. I love you idiot-"

No one knew he did this on purpose. We all assumed someone beat him up and left him to hang on the side of a bridge... but here right here.. he left by himself on his own terms. He took his life and left me.

How could I ever forgive myself for not being enough.

reference photos :D
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idk why i was in the mood to write a sad story but it felt right. this is inspired off the new nct dream concept pictures :D hope it didn't ruin the new comeback for you all too much lmao
- Z