The Hidden Toxin ✔(#6 in the Our Side of The Dice Series)

||Author's Notes 9: Memo to The Elixir||

Hi Oju,

I know you've been disappointed, hurt and fed up from having your hopes rise only to have them tumble back down. Does the act of hoping just tire you so much? Yes, I know it does. You've been exhausted for quite a while. And it's justifiable.

Still...

Are you truly doing great right now? What are you really expecting out of life? Especially for your legs? What is the exact posture of your heart?

You're vain and easily swayed by your emotions and this sometimes reflects in the way you're inspired to do certain things. Perhaps, you're just not doing enough and there's a part you actively have to play. Perhaps, the grounds for your hope is like the insides of an uncooked egg without the shield — unstable, fragile and very much prone to death. Perhaps, it's like a lit candle in the presence of a storm — fickle.

Now that you've documented this aspect of your life between the pages of a fictional book, I truly hope it helps you find your healing or at least, I hope it shows you the clue you need to follow in order to find your healing.

Actually, I think this documentation has helped you figure out what you may need to do — a feasible solution. But I truly do hope you follow it through. I hope that you remain consistent in whatever you decide to do as you move on.

You have to get results — visible, undeniable results. And so, I do hope you choose a path and thoroughly stick to it. Are you going to chose to actively believe in God to heal you? Will you remind God of your legs everyday and pray as fervently as you can?

Will you go for the surgery and do what it takes to make sure that you're able to undergo the surgery? Will you be bold enough to solicit for a fundraiser so people can donate money for your surgery? Or will you remain scared to take that huge step? Will you forever let the opinions and thoughts of people hold you back? Will you remain too ashamed to ask for help because people will want to pity you?

Will you care for your legs as much as you care about your writing career and several other things? Will you wake up from your slumber? Will you actively snap out of your numbness?

You have to feel something so you don't stay in this position forever — in this position where nothing is changing. This position where it seems like your life has come to a stand still.

You can keep seeing future as something so far away — as though, it were something you can't act upon or take control over. You keep saying "by the time I'm married, my legs would have been straightened" but what are you actively doing to make sure that that passive, dreamy statement is actualized? When will your 'faith' become a verb?

In whatever decision you make, I truly hope you follow it through and through. If nothing results from it of if you, God forbid, pass away, you'd be happy that you at least chose a side.

I'm really rooting for you, Ojuolape. I really hope that this documentation doesn't just pass away. That it does not just become an entertaining or an engaging read for your readers. I hope that this documentation surpasses a piece of art that you just chose to create because of the fleeting emotions you were feeling in the very moment.

I hope it doesn't pass away like a chaff of wind. I pray that the installation of these author's notes does not just become one of those 'cute, emotional reads'.

I hope this documentation becomes a guide. Take it personal. It's your open secret. And so I hope it becomes your prayer