¤ LONGLISTED IN THE OPEN NOVELLA CONTEST 2022 ¤
// COMPLETE
- stand-alone sequel to featherlight -
Chase Collins steps onto a late night train, his last in the city before he moves to a new state with a job promotion.
What he doesn't expect, how...
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Chase turns around. There's only one word stamped onto his brain: What?
He wishes that someone would walk down the street. Or that a lorry would drive by, filling the air with the smell of diesel and metal. Or even that a fucking rat would scurry past. Anything to break the heavy silence that drifts between him and Kyle. Something to look at instead of Kyle's open face; the honesty that he can see in his eyes even in the dark. Chase suddenly shivers, drawing his shoulders up to his ears. It's the kind of cold that reaches your stomach, makes your guts grow cold and fills your veins with ice.
"I know," Kyle repeats with a faint smile. "I sort of figured it out."
They've stopped next to a bicycle shop. It's closed now, but Chase can make out his own reflection in the glass door, illuminated by the ocher streetlights. He gazes at himself for a long moment without really knowing why he does so. His lips are cracked and his mouth is painfully dry, making it hard for him to speak. He runs his tongue over his lips and wets them. "What?" Chase manages finally, his voice rough. And when Kyle bites his straw and looks away, he adds, "Why didn't you say anything?"
At that, Kyle whirrs back into motion, and the words come out in a rapid rush. "Because I was fucking wuss, Chase. Because I'd never thought that about you before and at first I was in denial. That you could like me like that. Because I guess my whole life I'd been stupidly wired to think that straight was the default." He kicks the ground beneath him disgustedly. "It wasn't that I had anything against you liking me. Or any of that shit. I just... I was a coward. I was such a goddamn coward." For a second, it looks as though he will kick himself, too. He looks beseechingly at Chase, lifting his arms up helplessly. "I'm sorry."
Chase doesn't know what to say. A pretty rare occurrence for him. "Why didn't you say anything?" He laughs in disbelief. "All those years with me thinking that I had to hide it somehow. That you didn't know. That you were oblivious." He wants to keep talking, but his voice catches in his throat.
Kyle seems to mouth something, but whatever it is remains unvoiced. It could be another I'm sorry. It could be another I know. He quietly walks a few steps back to throw his drink away. He returns, stopping a few feet away from Chase.
"How did you know?" Chase says at last.
"I-" Kyle looks up, and Chase's eyes follow his reflexively. The air isn't clear enough to see any stars, but Chase makes out a few hazy spots of brightness. The rhythmic red flashing of a plane moves across the sky, getting lost behind buildings. He looks back at Kyle. "I just put some puzzle pieces together," Kyle says, talking to the sky. "I guess the line between platonic and romantic love is so fine, I didn't know for a long time. I've been thinking about what you said on the train this whole night, and you're right. There isn't a whole lot of difference between good friendships and relationships. I was so convinced you were on one side of it that I didn't pause to think if it could be both."
