The Love of a Crow - Wesper/Crows Fanfiction/AU

35. Inej

A/N: Hehe, I'm back! It is getting good now, isn't it? And I've still got plenty more to go! SO just sit back, grab a tissue box, and let's go! Enjoy!

The human mind was equipped with a special type of magic that allowed it to learn and adapt to its surroundings for survival. Inej had learnt this lesson ever since she was small, when her young, agile mind slowly taught itself to get used to the slight bounce of the tightrope beneath her feet. It had also learnt it in the darkest corners of the Menagerie, where she had learnt to block out reality as lustful fingers scratched her cold skin. And her mind had learnt to endure Kaz Brekker's cool, unforgiving heart as he made her his prized Wraith. But no matter how strong the mind became, it could never adapt to the harrowing crush of Loss.

Inej would allow herself to say she was used to losing people, but no one in the world could ever get used to the feeling that came with it. Worse than any hangover, worse than the greedy talons of men, worse than the bitter feeling of dying. Loss was a burden no one could ever unload.

Cautiously Inej looked at Jesper. He sat opposite her in the carriage, choosing to ignore anything but the uninteresting view from the window. He felt it, of course. He must have felt it. This was Wylan they were talking about, a fellow Crow, and most certainly something more than just a partner in crime to Jesper.

Sighing, Inej turned back to fiddling with one of her daggers, its warm handle and sharp blade blurring in her hand- Ouch. She winced as she slit her thumb open, bringing more tears to her eyes. Thank the Saints Kaz wasn't there, or he probably would have made her walk home so she didn't embarrass him in front of the driver.

"What does love feel like?" Jesper's voice cut the silence deeper than the knife.

"Love?" Inej asked, their gazes locking, midnight eyes meeting stormy ones.

"It's just... I've never felt it before... well from what I know, and Nina always says it's the best feeling in the world, so why does it hurt so much?"

Inej took a deep breath, suddenly feeling bare, like her skin had been stripped away, leaving only her soul. "Love cannot exist without pain, Jes. You have to accept that with Love someone will always lose in the end, and it will hurt more than anything in the world. It is a weapon too powerful for any human to wield."

"Then why do we bother? Why do we put ourselves through so much pain when life could be so simple without it?" Jesper insisted.

"Because we are humans, Jesper. We, and everyone else living in this Saint-Forsaken world, need that feeling to make us whole. To give us a purpose in life. What are we if we can't care for each other, hug each other, get drunk silly with each other? My father once told me that 'To find my way through life, I would first have to find my compass'. Love is a compass. Its arrow runs straight, never faltering if it is true. Only when it points the right way can we feel Love."

Inej paused, catching her breath after the monologue she had just recited. She didn't know where it came from, and she didn't care. It seemed her mind had finally accepted what her heart had beat for years.

"Saints, I think I..." Jesper stuttered to himself, eyes glistening wide. "I think I loved... I love him."

"I know."

Jesper's grey eyes seemed to clear, as if his thoughts had finally emptied, along with his silent tears. For once, he was still. Then his hand clenched into a fist, mouth forming a small frown.

"I'm going after him." He said determidley.

"I know." Inej smiled softly.

"You're not gonna jump on me again?"