Just Below the Surface (January to February 2022)

A bird who falls in love with fish

I'm convinced I am a bird. Born to soar above the clouds, nestle in the trees and live atop the spring breeze.

But since the time I remembered what the breeze had felt like, I have spent my life nestled on the shore. I've visited the water and contemplated life without my wings, without the air in my lungs and the air between my feathers.

For the fish look at me with eyes full of wonder for me. That wonder is addicting. Me and fish after fish would talk though and unbroken surface, falling for the only things we could understand through the ripples of the water.

Even though I never knew what life under the water was like my mind wandered for it. Far from what I was made more. Far from the sights I had planned to see, the things I longed to do... all I wanted was to be with the fish. I wanted to be in the currents, to be held by the seaweed, to be amazed by the coral.

But I couldn't not be a bird? I tried to scream that through the impenetrable surface of the water. Fish after fish looked at me and swam far away from the shallow edges we had met. I never saw them again.

I'm not sure if they didn't hear me or they just couldn't understand me. Regardless, each fish left me colder of the shore than before. My claws slowly started sinking into the sand around me. I didn't notice the world around me changing, as I waited for the world I new nothing of.

In the spring I saw the schools of little fish... children of the fish I met and loved before. I had been left so far in the past, the future had no room for me now.

Why did I have to be a bird who falls for fish? Why couldn't I just fall into the breeze like every other sparrow? Why did I waste my life sitting on the shore, becoming a bore? Are there any other birds that felt like me?

Do I wait for a fish to stay? Do I take to the winds after so long? Will the breeze recognize me? Will I know my way? Will I be satisfied with my curiosity of the deep or settle for the life I created long before the sea? Who am I to be?

Now that I know how to fly... can anyone see me?