Cuts

13. The Proposal - Chris and Ellie

Chris looked at his image in the mirror analyzing if the blue jeans he had chosen and the pink chess flannel over it had been the right outfit to such occasion. Never in his life had he been worried about his looks. He was extremely casual in what concerned clothing but that day he wanted to look great. He had spent quite some time going through his old rags concluding he had nothing decent he wanted to wear that afternoon, but then he found the flannel Ellie loved and a pair of jeans that were not as worn as his other pairs. Under his flannel he had a black sweater, after all, winter was not properly warm in Seattle though on that day, as if knowing his intentions, the sun was shining bright and above the city the usual gray colored sky had been replaced by a blue one with a few thick white clouds adorning it. He replaced his black Docs by a pair of black sneakers but had folded the endings of his jeans up until his ankles anyway, for he liked it better that way. His hair was loose, his cascade of dark curly locks falling down his back and covering part of his face but she loved it that way. Ellie loved his hair.

"Ok..." He breathed, feeling his throat incredibly dry despite all the water he had been drinking.

Chris turned around and grabbed his black leather jacket that was resting on his bed. The same bed he had been sharing with her every weekend since they had become public a few months before and even some days of the week, since Andy was also staying more and more with Xana. He approached his chess drawer and grabbed the bottle of cologne that Ellie had offered him and sprayed a bit over himself and then checked the inside pocket of his jacket just to make sure it was there. As he palmed it, his heart started racing incredibly fast and a knot on his throat made it hard to swallow.

"Fuck..." He rubbed both hands on his face and took a deep breath. "Get a fucking grip, Chris.

He opened his eyes and grabbed the keys to his old truck and got out of his bedroom, closing the door behind him. As he walked to the door to get out of his apartment, all type of doubts and questions started to assault his mind. Was he doing the right thing? Was it the best time to do so? They had been dating for ten months, basically since they met on the New Year's Eve of that year. It wasn't a long time, especially if they count with the three months they were hiding from everyone, but it was so intense between them. He had never been so in love with a girl before as he was with her and he had never felt so loved before either. Ellie was so different from the other relationships he had. She showed him what real love is. She taught him how to trust and even how to feel happy for the first time in his life. None of the crap he had been to with other people was supposed to be a thing. She wasn't like that. She tried to understand him. She supported him. She was his best friend and he was hers. They had fun together. They'd get drunk and high together, but they would also discuss serious matters. She supported him in every possible way. She advised him without waiting for anything in return. Ellie had been a blessing in his life, but it wasn't just about her, it was about him too. He felt included, comprehended, and loved. He couldn't imagine his life without her and he knew she didn't imagine hers without him either. That was mutual sane love and he was experiencing it for the first time. So, it made sense. What he had in his mind made sense.

He descended the stairs of his house with shaky legs, feeling like his knees were going to fail on him at any time. When he reached the street, his legs started shaking even more and maybe his hands were trembling too but inside the pockets of his jeans, they were protected. When he took the keys of his truck of the pockets and consequently his hands became free, he saw how wobbly his fingers were. The keys shook on his fingers quite visibly. He puffed, knowing if he didn't control his emotions, she would know something was wrong and he didn't want her to notice it until the right time. When he sat in front of the wheel, Chris closed his eyes, rested his head back against the seat and started breathing slowly as Ellie had taught him to control his anxiety and when he felt calmer, he opened his eyes, turned the engine on and started his way to meet her at her the office where she was making her internship.