The Top Of The Mountain ✔️~ trixya

Feel At Ease

I sit in a studio room at Blue String Records waiting for Trixie to arrive. Honestly I'm still shocked that she agreed to work with me, but somehow I'm even more surprised that she didn't show up obnoxiously early just to throw in my face that I'm always late.  Not that she's even really that late, but trust me, Trixie Mattel being late at all is as unbelievable as the plot of 2012. 

"Hi, sorry for the delay, but did I kinda just expected you to show up half an hour late as usual, so I figured I'd still be early." Trixie says as she walks in the door. Part of me is disappointed that she isn't more apologetic, but I also feel somewhat reassured that Trixie is still the same. 

"Still charming as ever, Trixie. But no, I actually do take my work seriously contrary to what you might believe." I reply as she sits down across from me.

"Well, I mean I can understand. I guess this must be a huge opportunity for you, must be an honor to work with such an important company." 

"Trixie, let's get one thing straight; I do not need this job. I'm doing very well for myself, I'm selling to major galleries and working with lots of big companies, and I am doing it on my terms. I've only agreed to working with you because I firmly believe that an artist should be able to control their creative process, and I don't want that right to be taken away from you. But if you won't respect me or my time then I will leave. This isn't high school anymore. Listen, I respect that you worked your ass off and achieved your dreams, but I also worked hard to achieve mine. I just didn't do it in the same way you did." I tell her strictly.

"Yes mom." She says rolling her eyes.

"Trixie, I'm serious. Stop being a brat." 

"Yes mommy." Trixie says with a smirk and a devilish gleam in her eyes, and I can't help but let it shift me into a very different mode for a moment.

"Are you gonna behave? Do you know how to behave? Do you?" I ask teasingly, shutting her up completely. I can't help but laugh a little and shake my head when I notice her clenching her thighs together slightly. There is something extremely satisfying about seeing a girl I pined over for years be so affected by me, but I ignore the urge to comment on it further and change back to the original topic instead. "Seriously though, if we're gonna work together I need you to actually respect me as a collaborator."

"Yeah... I'm sorry, I hate admitting that I'm wrong... but you're right. I guess it's just a bit hard for me to accept that my last chance at having any control over my music involves getting help from you."

"I know, tragic to think that your fairy godmother is a half-Russian smoker with a paint brush, but hopefully we can still make magic happen." I reply jokingly. 

For a moment I see a flash of the Trixie that lives behind all the walls of perfection, and I find myself wanting to dig through all her layers and bring that girl out into the world. To me the Trixie who exists beyond those layers is far more interesting then the Trixie who smiles brightly for the camera and has a perfectly rehearsed answer for every interview question. 

"Well, it's not the best, but it's not the worst." Trixie deadpans before laughing, making me break out in laughter too.

"Ah, my motto!" I reply.

It feels odd to be sitting here laughing with Trixie Mattel. For so many years I dreamed of being able to do just that. It didn't matter if she was rude to me or not, I still couldn't help but be mesmerized by her. I would never have believed that I would some day be brought in to try to save her career, and I would probably have called whoever told me that an insane liar.

"Hey Trixie, I have a question." I say once the laughter has died down.

"What?"

"What happened with the song you sang that day after school? The lyrics were like; you maybe got out or you never did settle down, or something." 

"You still remember that song?" She asks clearly shocked.

"Yeah, I wasn't joking back then when I said I liked it, but I never heard it since." I reply.

"Well, firstly I'm shocked you've listened to my music at all, let alone enough of it to know if I've released a song you heard me sing in high school. But secondly it just didn't fit what the label wanted. They want the upbeat retro Barbie stuff, that is something they can sell. Folk songs with lyrics that reveal who I actually am? Yeah, they don't really believe in that." 

"I believe in that. And honestly I think those are the songs you need to put on this record." I tell her.

"Katya, I can't do that. It's too big of a risk." Trixie says, her eyes revealing how much the idea scares her.

"Listen, sometimes risks are worth it. I know you like plans, you've always been obsessed with preparing and planning for everything, and I'm sure you carefully consider every possible risk before you do something. But you can't let fear hold back your art. Creating art is all about taking risks, and a risk is exactly what you need right now. That risk should be based on you expressing the most honest side of your art, and I truly believe that's by releasing songs like that one. But listen, why don't you just try to record them? You can see how they feel and get used to the idea of releasing them, and you could still try to write other stuff on the side in case you end up not wanting to release them."

"Okay, I guess I can do that... Let's record them."